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Currently Quoting

Reader Katie shared this quote with me in response to my post about leaving Facebook. It’s been bouncing around my brain ever since. An important reminder, yes?

For Gil

He died on a Tuesday. Surrounded by family. He was 42 years old.

Our beloved Donna once again has faced a loss so deep, and unexpected, and unimagineable that language fails me.

She said, “Now Jordan has his daddy.”

And I feel the physical pain and devastation that accompanies that truth. I know it’s just a fraction of what her own heart carries. How does she bear it with such grace and kindness?

I want to stomp around claiming that life is UNFAIR! Arbitrary and cruel!

And then I read this, They left me with your shadow, saying things like Life is not fair & I believed them for a long time. But today, I remembered the way you laughed & the heat of your hand in mine & I knew that life is more fair than we can ever imagine if we are there to live it.

And so I hold my babies closer. And kiss with intent. And say a thousand, I love yous. And thank yous thank yous thank yous. Because you never know. You just never know.

Mysteries, Yes

This coming Saturday morning we will be “Celebrating Courtland.” This is a ceremony that James and I crafted for Addison back when she was one. We were getting pressure from certain family members to hold a Christening for our first born, but given that neither James or myself are practicing Christians (in fact, I am an Atheist), we didn’t feel comfortable engaging in a ceremony that didn’t resonate for our family. Nor did we want to be disrespectful to those for whom that kind of ceremony holds great meaning.

People often gasp or react strongly when I drop the A word, as though that implies that I am some kind of soulless, meaningless, valueless jerk. It’s offensive. Just because I don’t believe in some kind of spiritual greater being does not mean that I don’t have faith. I have great faith in humanity. In the here and now. In the lived experience. In love. My faith is grounded in my time now, on this Earth. And I believe in making the most of this time. Love is an intangible that binds us all, and whether that takes the form of God is irrelevant. It’s about believing in something bigger than ourselves. And I do. Very much so.

*Whew. Explanatory rant over.*

In order to offer our second born a similar welcoming experience to our family and our world, we are gathering our parents, my sister, and Courtland’s fairy godparents together for another simple, personal ceremony at our home. Each person will offer words of welcome and celebration to Kaki, whether in the form of a prayer, a poem, a song, a book, or in their own words.

During Addison’s ceremony, I read “Someday” (and wept like a baby). If you are mother to a daughter, I challenge you to read this book and not get your ugly cry on. Also, I cannot recommend it enough. It’s an absolutely stunning portrait of parenthood.

I’ve been thinking about what I want to share with Courtland on Saturday and finally landed on a Mary Oliver poem, “Mysteries, Yes.”

It speaks to this notion of faith as something bigger, something more complex and mysterious, than ourselves. And it speaks to the kind of life and confidence I wish for my daughters.

Truly, we live with mysteries too marvelous
to be understood.

How grass can be nourishing in the
mouths of the lambs.
How rivers and stones are forever
in allegiance with gravity
while we ourselves dream of rising.
How two hands touch and the bonds will
never be broken.
How people come, from delight or the
scars of damage,
to the comfort of a poem.

Let me keep my distance, always, from those
who think they have the answers.

Let me keep company always with those who say
”Look!” and laugh in astonishment,
and bow their heads.

Currently Reading

There are some peripheral women in my life that make statements like, “I just don’t get along with other women” or “I only have guy friends” (as though that is a point of pride) or “I’m just not into the whole girl power thing,” and these statements have always made me squirm with discomfort. This past weekend, a woman (who, granted, I have never much respected due statements like the above) approached me to tell me that she learned about this women’s advocacy group, and while she “totally wasn’t into that kind of thing,” thought I might want to know about it.

Ew. Just ew.

YOU ARE A WOMAN. How can you not be into women’s advocacy?

And that, my friends (both female and male), is part of why I so enjoyed this list over on Jezebel.

And while I wish I could tell you the name of the aforementioned advocacy group, I was too filled with gin and tonic and feminist rage to process any information being directed my way. I apologize. This post is as my attempt at atonement.

Currently Quoting

Dropping some knowledge from the First Lady. Sometimes we could all use this reminder.

Currently Quoting

Currently Reading

You know, Anna Quindlen said that in 1994 about breast-feeding her children in 1983. Crazy how it still resonates nearly 30 years later.

This quote is used in this article about public breast-feeding. While I think the solution is more complex than the author suggests, the author’s cartoon paired with the piece is spot on. Truth, y’all.

Image: Courtesy of David Horsey for the Los Angeles Times

Be The Match

Today, I’m asking that you all help be the change by being the match.

As I mentioned, our beloved babysitter’s husband was diagnosed with leukemia one month ago. We learned yesterday that he is in desperate need of a bone marrow transplant to save his life. This is a family who lost their oldest son in a tragic accident when he was only two years old. They already have had to face one unimaginable loss, so James and I want to do everything in our power to ensure that Donna, someone who cares for our children with the love and attention of a family member, does not have to once again confront such devastation.

If you are not already on the bone marrow registry, please please please consider adding yourself. While you may not be a match for Gil, one day you may save a life.

It’s an easy, free sign up. Just fill out this form online. Then they’ll send you a kit. You swab your cheek. And then you send it back in a pre-stamped envelope.

Free, easy, no blood, no nonsense.

And while the odds are unlikely that you’ll be a match for Donna’s husband, we won’t ever know if you don’t register.

I know that you’d want people to do the same for your loved ones if the time ever called for it. Thank you all for making a difference.

And thank you for helping us support a family who has become a part of our own.

Currently Quoting

Currently Quoting

To celebrate the one year anniversary of two of our most favorite people in the Universe, James wrote them both an email recounting his experience and thoughts during their wedding 365 days prior. He ended his email with the quote above. Oh how I feel this for so many of you out there.