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by Ashley Weeks Cart
There are some peripheral women in my life that make statements like, “I just don’t get along with other women” or “I only have guy friends” (as though that is a point of pride) or “I’m just not into the whole girl power thing,” and these statements have always made me squirm with discomfort. This past weekend, a woman (who, granted, I have never much respected due statements like the above) approached me to tell me that she learned about this women’s advocacy group, and while she “totally wasn’t into that kind of thing,” thought I might want to know about it.
Ew. Just ew.
YOU ARE A WOMAN. How can you not be into women’s advocacy?
And that, my friends (both female and male), is part of why I so enjoyed this list over on Jezebel.
And while I wish I could tell you the name of the aforementioned advocacy group, I was too filled with gin and tonic and feminist rage to process any information being directed my way. I apologize. This post is as my attempt at atonement.
I wouldn’t call myself a “feminist” because I don’t believe in gaining rights for women at other human beings’ expenses, which seems to be the general idea of every person I’ve met who does call themselves such. I’d just like to say that it’s 2012. When Romney says they need more flexibility in the workplace, he doesn’t mean, “Go whip up some dinner, bitch”. That’s such an overreation its pathetic. He means we need to respect many women’s call as not only proffessionals but as mothers. I think people should respect motherhood and work with professionals that are also taking care of children.That’s another reason I don’t identify with so called “feminists”. Motherhood or being a homemaker is so often looked at like it should be shameful, when it is absolutely the opposite. But that just the start of it- “women’s advocacy” is also too often at the expense of the unborn. Too often I find that being a feminist is synonymous with being pro-choice, and that is something I can never condone. If equal rights have to be brought about by the slaughter of innocent baby girls and boys, count me out.
Elena, It’s clear that this blog and my opinions ruffle your feathers. Why engage with this space and post this backwards, anti-choice, anti-women vitriol? Why come here at all? To get worked up? Sadly, there are plenty of places on the Internet that agree with you and it’s obvious that I won’t be changing your mind just as you won’t be changing mine. So let’s say adieu, yes?
But don’t you think for a second that I’m not going to be here fighting for women, mothers, daughters, the future generations that will come from these women, despite your backwards, dated, dangerous logic. You are on the wrong side of history, Elena.
Elena,
I absolutely identify as a feminist, and am proud of this moniker. I am going to ignore the misrepresentation of a pro-choice stance that you slipped in there at the end, because that was off-topic and an attempt to be hateful.
I agree with you–there is no greater job, no more important position, than caring for the children you bring into the world…and I appreciate that Romney has recognized this fact. What I do not appreciate is universally assigning childcare and homemaking responsibilites to women–can’t we all agree that this gender essentialism is unproductive? Given the high stakes and utmost importance of parenting our children, I would hope that both men and women would be given flexibility in the workplace to properly tend to their parenting responsbilities. (Let’s ignore that his comments were in no way an answer to the question he was being asked, okay?)
You argue that childcare deserves respect, and I agree. But why are women the only ones who deserve this respect and this responsibility? There is absolutely NO shame in caring for your children or making a home for your family. But can’t fathers provide more primary childcare, or couples balance childcare according to their own careers, schedules, childrens’ needs, etc? What Mitt Romney did was call all of that women’s work, and that was stupid and unproductive, plain and simple. And my feminist reaction to Mitt’s stupidity is not in any way to denigrate any person’s choice to be a primary parent–you seem to misunderstand this.
If you read Ashley’s blog carefully, you will see that Ashley never advocates for women’s rights at the expense of ANYONE. She actually believes in a more equitable world view, where motherhood and fatherhood are both exhaulted, where people take the role bringing a life into this world with the utmost care and consideration, and where there is nothing more important than caring for your family–can you honestly say her world view is at anyone’s expense?
You’re right, Elena, it’s 2012 (and not 1952). Act like it.
You said that more brilliantly than I ever could have. Thank you, Courtney. And, TRUTH!
i wouldnt call you a feminist either, Elena, because instead of
“gaining rights for women at other human beings’ expenses”
you prefer (the equally exaggerated and overthetop statement)
“gaining rights for potential/unborn human beings at the expense of women”
Exactly. EXACTLY.
Amen Ash. Having differing views is one thing, coming to this lovely space just to spew rage is entirely another.
Buh bye now.
Thanks, Jo! xo
Let’s talk about the abortion debate after you’ve directed all that passion and conviction towards fixing our overwhelmed fostercare system. Use a bit of that outrage to advocate for the rights of abused and neglected children, instead of future children… because all dem babies turn into children. Put some of that passion behind equal pay for women, because then maybe they could afford to bring an unplanned pregnancy into this world. Fight for a better education system so these future women (and men) have more opportunities, and don’t end up stuck between a rock and an abortion clinic. Fight for sex education and access to birth control. Focus all that passion and righteousness towards advocating for all the puzzle pieces that would make abortion a non-issue. I LOVE babies. I also love healthy happy families, happy mothers, fathers, and children. Life is so much more than the act of being born.
*standing ovation*
Ditto on the standing ovation.
To me, everything you just said is what being pro-life ACTUALLY is. Bravo!
Elena clearly hasn’t read very much of this blog if she could think for one minute that you look at motherhood or homemaking as shameful. Your pride in being a mother and creating a home for your children (and how much your husband shares that pride) is obvious in every post.
Suzy–right on. So much of the “pro-life” movement really seems to be “pro-birth.” All too often once the life has been brought into the world, all of that fighting and screaming to protect the unborn abandons the born. It is an incomplete movement that, frankly, self perpetuates for the reasons Suzy listed above. Give people better jobs, better education and better healthcare and they will be better empowered to handle an unplanned situation. I second that standing O.
Yes. Yes. Yes. You are always so eloquent and thoughtful when it comes to this, Cortney. Thank you!
Wow, saw the original post last night and am pleased to see such eloquent responses since I truly lack this amazing gift. All I want to say is Ash you are a light and a spark that will make this world a better place for all our daughters and sons. I am sooo proud to be your friend and will forever be grateful for all the education and enlightenment you provide to me! @ Cortney and Suzy, you ladies ROCK!
Totally! They are awesome.
Oh man Ash. I love this blog and (almost) all your readers. <3
Me too. *happysigh*
I have several members of my family with views that surprise and sometimes repel me, and I guess what frustrates me a bit about the above is that we can’t always diverce ourselves or bid “adieu.” People like Elena are everywhere, and I guess I lean towards the side of engagement/turn the other cheek.
Is that an unfair expectation? Yes – it’s not fair to constantly expect engagement, and there’s value in these comments as a safe space for people who find solidarity with Ash. I don’t want to undermine that validity, but I also don’t like the idea of two separate internets where folks of different viewpoints never jump into each others’ blogs.
Buuuuut on the other side, the internet as a whole has a certain culture, if you can define just one, that leans in certain directions, and on many sites, in a very anti-feminist way, so there is value in having a different ideological strain here.
Eh.
So obviously I am late to the party. Per always. But so was Thomas Friedman. He must have stolen the comments from this post for his column a few weeks back!
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/opinion/sunday/friedman-why-i-am-pro-life.html