“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”
Sunny: Blocks and that floor map are everything right now. I love the way the girls want to learn more about the world thanks to that piece of foam on the floor.
Kaki: Building a shelter for her Tsum Tsum Pluto with support of Hanna Banana and Auntie Kimmy.
More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here.
One month from today is my official Guess Date for this little one’s arrival. While battling a hideous cold turned sinus infection, slash the onslaught of a particularly gross round of conjunctivitis, I’ve been spending my days in bed looking at old photos and videos of when the girls were first born. It makes me all the more excited to welcome that squishy, Mr. Magoo face into our family in a month or so.
The girls excitement is particularly wonderful. They attended a “Sibling Class” at the birthing suite of the hospital with a L&D nurse this weekend. They learned to diaper and swaddle and hold a newborn, and talked about life with an infant in the house. They also got a tour of the facility where Courtland was born and this little one will arrive. I think it helped Courtland, particularly, who has been rather nervous about what is going to happen when I go into labor.
Admittedly, they’re both curious. Sunny asked me after school yesterday if I was nervous to have this baby born. I explained that I wasn’t nervous, per se, but that there was always some anxiousness about birth, as I have absolutely no control of when baby decides s/he wants to arrive. It could be in two weeks or six. It could be in the middle of the night or the middle of the grocery store. It could be lightening fast or long and hard like her birth.
Birth has definitely been on my mind and I’ve been revisiting not only my own experiences but those I’ve witnessed since. I am wishing and willing for an experience more in line with Courtland’s than Sunny’s, but recognize that this babe and I will go through something entirely our own. And I do not get control or say over when or how it happens, only in how I respond and react in the moment. I’m trying to not overthink or dwell too much, as it does me no good. I’ve got a wonderful birth team assembled – complete with James, a doula, a birth photographer, and Kaki’s Fairy Godmother who is stepping up because in all likelihood my sister will not be able to be present for this baby’s arrival due to her teaching schedule. She was by my side for the girls’ births – and I know the comfort that I personally find in being surrounded and supported by people I love and trust during those vulnerable, powerful moments of birth. While I hope this one is speedy like her 2nd born sister, I’m preparing myself for whatever comes our way.
And I am so looking forward to those early hours where I first get a glimpse at the wide-eyed gaze of this new little life and person. Making all these months, and particularly these final weeks, of discomfort and inconvenience, well well worth it.
Here are the girls in their first hours of life when we got some legit face time with their sweet mugs and those wide eyes.
A package from a kid’s clothing company arrives at our doorstep. Courtland, eager to see the contents inside and knowing that her Momar always includes something for all her grandchildren, immediately tears into the wrapping.
Inside she finds silky soft cotton infant nightgowns and cozy footed baby jumpers. She then arrives at two fuzzy, furry white jackets, sized appropriately for her and her sister. The look is the stuff of a well-styled and fashion-forward Pinterest kid (think: Quinoa). I find myself wishing for one in my size.
Courtland eyes it skeptically, however.
Do you want to try it on? You can wear it to school today if you’d like.
No, thank you.
Ok. Any reason why not?
Mommy, I think my friends at school might tell me I look funny if I wear it. It’s different. I’ll just wear it at home.
I find my heart crumbling. I know that my children will face insecurity and judgement/criticism by their peers, but I thought it’d be when they hit those tumultuous tween years of puberty and hormones and awkwardness. A time when everyone is uncomfortable in their own skin and projecting insecurity on others. Not at age 4 in a preschool classroom.
Courtland has always been acutely aware of social dynamics, sharing stories of who is friends with whom, and who plays well or doesn’t play well in her classroom, and navigating how she fits in among her classmates.
She’s also highly attuned to how others around her dress and present themselves, and then turns that own lens on herself. She notices if I’m “fancy” or put extra effort into dressing myself in the morning.
Just the other day she said, “Mommy, I like your outfit.” I wanted to understand what she was noticing about the way I was presenting myself and prodded, “What do you like about it?” She responded, “Your earrings are fancy and your hair looks nice. Do you have meetings today?”
I, in fact, did have meetings that day, and it is indeed true that I tend to put in more effort to my outfit/styling/morning prep when I know that I have meetings with someone other than my computer screen on the agenda. How shrewd of her to make that observation – but it also teaches her that I tend to get “fancy” on days when other people will be spending time with me, as though I am dressing for others, and not myself. An important reminder for me as a parent and role model. It’s important that I teach her that I also sometimes dress-up just for me, for no one else’s gaze.
With that in mind, I tried to tackle the furry jacket conundrum later that day when she got home from school.
Kaks, do you like the furry coat? And does it make you happy to wear it?
Yes, it’s so soft and fuzzy, like I’m a teddy bear.
Well, if anybody says anything not nice about your coat you can just tell them that, and tell them that it makes you happy. I can’t promise you that no one will say anything negative, but you can just explain why YOU like it so much.
Okay, Mama, I’ll try.
So she wore the coat to school, and has worn it a number of days since. When I asked her if anyone noticed or commented on her coat, she relayed that her teachers had said she was so snuggly but that her friends hadn’t said anything.
I don’t think anybody really liked it, Mama. But that’s okay, because I really like it.
Now I just need to keep reinforcing that message with her because it will only get harder with age and peer pressure and social norming, particularly for a kid who is so attuned to those things, to resist the urge to conform and lose her own sense of style/happiness. And it’s a reminder for myself to do the same.
Also? I really need to get back in to accessorizing the way this kid does. Such flair and fun!
Yesterday, Courtland came home from school devastated because her light up wand had broken when she slipped on some ice. James and I had little luck calming her hysterics.
Through some sisterly sixth sense, Sunny had a book she’d written titled “Courtland and Ramona” at the ready, along with a picture she’d drawn of Courtland and a snack she’d saved from school for little sister because of its purple packaging.
Sisterhood, man, it’s thebombdotcom.
Sunny’s pink eye raged on. Courtland’s seal bark wouldn’t quit. The Gummy Bear’s bum rested squarely on a nerve. And so we holed up in bed, with two furry black beasts for company, and the antics of a one Ramona Geraldine Quimby for entertainment. And it was the kind of mundane yet comforting afternoon that made us feel like we were doing this right, despite sickness and contagion and discomfort, that this was the life we were choosing and loving. And we didn’t need or want to be anywhere else but here.
Of note! We changed the arrangement of our bed so that I don’t have to do my most dramatic beached whale impersonation every time I need to pee (which is quite often, think hourly, these days). Also, there’s now room for the co-sleeper to be affixed to mama’s side of the bed once baby does arrive. Bring on the switch from hourly urine evacuation to hourly breast milk expression. Oh the bodily fluids of this stage of life!
Given our weekend quarantine thanks to contagious eyes and aggressive coughs, we spent Saturday morning prepping our classroom Valentines. As has become tradition, we turned to Minted for the girls’ cards.
^^ Sunny selected a puppy-themed card (ever the dog-lover and our future veterinarian (or so she claims right now)).^^
^^Courtland was immediately taken with the purple egg cards. Her favorite color paired with a nod to our backyard flock? Eggscellent, indeed.^^
^^We also ordered corresponding stickers to seal the envelopes – a perfect task for our preschooler who wasn’t quite ready to write her friends’ names herself (she can read them all, but she’s still learning how to write her letters).^^
^^I particularly loved the option to add a Tic-Tac-Toe board to the back of their cards this year for a little something extra special. ^^
^^They also wanted to give little presents with their cards, so Courtland opted for sparkly bouncy balls and Sunny for heart-themed bubble wands (thanks to Michaels for easy, small gifts).^^
^^After much writing, licking, sealing, stickering and assembling, they are ready for exchanging with friends!^^
Order Minted classroom Valentines here. And check out Valentine’s Day prep 2015 and Valentine’s Day prep 2014 (when Sunny was Kaki’s age! Oh hashtagonslaughtoftime!).
Shop more Minted Classroom Valentine’s here.
“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”
Sunny: Her hair has grown out enough that she’s back to being my living doll. Only so many more years (months?) when she’ll tolerate (dare I say enjoy?) having her hair styled by her mama. We got in the Valentine’s spirit before prepping this year’s cards for our friends at school. Also, this photo hides the raging case of pink eye that she contracted from her little sister. It just won’t quit. Courtland was hardly affected by it, whereas Sunny’s eyes are weeping yucky, gross awfulness that seals them shut multiple times an evening. We’re going on day five of this filth despite a regimented dose of antibiotics.
Kaki: Meanwhile, this kid’s winter seal bark is back thanks to a cold so it’s next to impossible for her to sleep at night. Most of yesterday evening was spent lathering Vicks on her chest and feet and turning the house into a tropical rainforest to try to give her some relief. Her very sour mood is the unfortunate result of this cough.
We’re all feeling sleep-deprived and disgusting. And, I am feeling so dang grateful that we cancelled our trip to California, given that we would have been managing all this illness from a hotel across the country. Sometimes things happen for a reason. We’ve been able to spend the past two weekends hunkered down at home, napping, watching movies, reading stories, knitting, and prepping the house for baby. We’re too gross and cranky for public consumption, and what better time than cold January days to be forced to stayed holed up at home.
More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here.
Their relationship in an image.
The way her world and her happiness is wrapped up in this person who has the patience and tenderness to crawl into a tiny floor bed night after night when she stumbles in to our room and simply says, “I need my Daddy.” He is always there for her, and it is one of the greatest gifts she’ll ever receive in this life, a person who models such unconditional love, comfort, and patience for her.
And while he complains about the near nightly midnight disruptions, he hasn’t made a strong effort to curb this behavior. Likely because he knows, as all parents do, that this time shall pass, far faster and sooner than we’d like. And while she’ll always need her father, her limbs will grow and spread and she won’t seek his guidance, and comfort, and love in the same way. And oh how he’ll miss that need while championing her growth and independence. And we’ll lie in bed whispering about “those nights” and “that time,” and envelope ourselves in nostalgia for the disruptions and inconveniences of early parenthood – the greatest paradox of this whole wild experiment we call raising a family.
We did not receive a flake of snow in VT, and I found myself looking wistfully at pictures of friends frolicking in NYC and DC and Boston amongst all that snowy white goodness. We have yet to have a decent snow fall this winter, and we’re all feeling exceedingly ready for some snow bank leaping (okay, maybe not the nearly 9 month pregnant Cart, but I would love to observe and document the fun). Alas, slipping and sliding on our neighbor’s pond had to suffice as our winter weekend adventure. The kids and pups had a ball regardless.
And James and I managed to find, sort, launder, and ready all of our 0-3 month baby gear. With a heavy pink-lean, this baby, regardless of genitalia, has more than enough clothes for his or her welcome (and let’s be honest folks, a newborn cares not what his/her clothes look like as long as s/he’s warm and fed and dry). So bring on an infant in sweet pink nightgowns that had me aching with nostalgia as I pictured both Sunny and Kaki’s babyhoods. I have to admit, I am feeling over-the-moon excited to meet this little one. I can’t believe I ever doubted that we’d welcome another child into our lives.
“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”
Sunny: Blocks and building and master planning have been a fixation of late. On Saturday, the girls spent all morning filling our living room with an epic block city. And on Sunday, marble maze construction (courtesy of Sunny’s FGPs on her 2nd Christmas – gosh where has the time gone!) was all the rage. I love seeing where their minds take them and how their make-believe unfolds. We have blocks from my father’s childhood mixed in with more recent sets, and it’s clear to see why it’s such a timeless toy.
Kaki: She got sent home from school on Friday afternoon because preschoolers are gross and pink eye is crazy contagious. While at the pediatrician’s to get eye drops, the doctor discovered a small rock lodged in her ear. The four year old had no awareness of this obstacle, and claimed that it was not her doing. Regardless, it took six adults to restrain her and flush out said rock thanks to the resulting hysteria and fear of the water pick. Both mom and preschooler were equally traumatized from the scene that unfolded. And then she slipped on some ice on Saturday and now has an enormous goose egg on her left temple. Kid can’t catch a break. But we managed to get some pretty wonderful smiles and giggles from her this weekend despite all the physical maladies.
More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here.
