Magicsuit // 3

I want to start this week by thanking everyone that has commented and responded to these posts (first week, second week). Your thoughts have been honest and reflective and supportive and lovely and just plain awesome. I am so grateful to each of you. We’re in this together, sisters! And it is heartwarming and inspiring to be reminded that we are all fighting this body/beauty battle together. And to know that we are not alone in whatever struggles or uncertainties or doubts we may confront when it comes to our own self-image.

With that being said, I want to talk about one of my biggest gripes when it comes to how we speak to other women.

Why is it that when someone tells someone else, “Hey, you’ve lost weight!” the response is “Yes, thank you”? Why is weight loss considered a compliment? And further, why do we feel that it is appropriate in any capacity to comment on someone else’s body shape or size in the first place?

I remember a very well-meaning friend commenting on how slim I was looking last summer and congratulating me on this thinness. Again, as though thinness was A. worthy of congratulations and compliment and B. as though I was actively striving for that thinness and thus approval. To be honest, I’d lost weight because of all the anxiety I was experiencing in the wake of my mother’s medical emergency; an event so traumatic that I was not sleeping, not eating, and stewing in nerves and fear. So um, not exactly a welcome weight-loss or a sign of health. In fact, a sign of just the opposite. I was feeling pretty bad so I read the Askhealthnews and I found the solution.

We don’t know the cause for someone’s change in size, and by commenting on it, we are further reinforcing this notion that beauty is directly tied to slimness (regardless of whether or not that size is attained in a healthful manner. Trust me, I’d need to exist on a 800 calorie diet to be a size 4, and that shit is straight up starvation.) Size does NOT equal health. Further, size does not equal beauty. And by commenting and complimenting women so frequently on their bodies and their size, we are further enforcing the idea that a woman’s worth is defined by physicality and adherence to specific cultural beauty standards rather than who she is as a person, a whole complete being with thoughts and emotions and a unique body and life story.

If you haven’t read this article that I shared earlier this week, please please do so now as it approaches this issue even more thoughtfully, specifically related to women’s bodies post-partum: Babies Don’t ‘Ruin’ Bodies.

And while I stand by my love of Miraclesuit, I can’t in good conscience ignore their tagline “Look 10 lbs Lighter in 10 Seconds.” While I understand from a marketing perspective (as sadly women will gravitate to businesses claiming thinness as that is the ever-constant demand), it further reinforces the very issues I discuss above. Why is it that women should want to look 10 lbs lighter in 10 seconds? Why is less weight so desirable? As women, we are perpetually told to take up as little space as possible, to be as small and non-threatening and thin as possible in order to be valued and beautiful. I am calling B.S. on that noise.

I love Miraclesuit not because it makes me look “slimmer” but because it is constructed thoughtfully, with a woman’s curves and need for support in mind. While I wish they didn’t use a tagline about weight as their primary focus, I fell in love with the suits before I’d ever read the tagline, by trying on dozens of bathingsuits and physically feeling the difference that Miraclesuit made when on my body.

The suit I’m pictured in this week, the Colorblock Jerry, has a built in underwire to provide much needed support but is layered under stylish draping that provides interest and movement. I wear it lazily around the house for hot afternoons spent playing with my girls, working in the garden, and enjoying a summer evening.

Because at the end of the day, I want to feel confident and comfortable in a bathing suit, and I especially want my daughters to feel that ease and comfort radiating from me so that they learn to celebrate their own unique-selves in whatever way makes them feel most at ease and comfortable.

Let’s all be kinder and gentler not only to ourselves, but to the women around us. Be mindful when you find yourself about to comment on someone’s body or size. Why are you inclined to make that comment? What does it accomplish? And is there something more meaningful or more valuable that you could offer than just a throwaway remark about their physical self. And especially be careful of critiquing or judging another woman’s body (other people period, but specifically their physical bodies) as you’re likely reinforcing very problematic, narrow expectations of beauty and health by doing so.

The greatest compliment I’ve ever received had nothing to do with my physical appearance, but had to do with the way my then-boss saw me inspiring and empowering my female students. His words, “You’re a role model for these women. Your mother should be very proud,” linger in my head today as raise two daughters and navigate these expectations, demands and pressures. Why not empower another woman by championing her smarts, her wit, her thoughtfulness rather than the size of her pants? It could start a revolution of confident, strong women… you never know…

This is your final opportunity to win a Miraclesuit or Magicsuit of your choosing. That’s a winning of up to $180! To enter this week’s giveaway follow the instructions below via Rafflecopter. Thank you for entering and for liking Blog a la Cart and Magicsuit on Facebook and for following @blogalacart and @magicsuitswim on Instagram.

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Currently Reading

Oh please please read this, because I am tempted to copy and paste the entire article here to get as many eyes on its content as possible because, yes, Babies Don’t Ruin Bodies.

For those able and willing to choose it, creating human life is also a monumental commitment. It’s a commitment to abstain from various comforts, to be subjected to prying personal questions by strangers, to be scrutinized, questioned, generally uncomfortable — for nine months and beyond.

During those nine glorious/horrendous months, the human body does something amazing and impressive. I don’t mean to glorify the choice to procreate over any other life choices, but in a purely physical frame of reference, what the body literally does during and after pregnancy is powerful.

That being said, why is it that so many people are more concerned with the female body as a sexual object than as a powerful tool in creating and negotiating culture through the physical act of nourishing and birthing a human fetus to life?

Miraclesuit // 2

After giving birth to two female bodies with my own female body, and now raising two female bodies, I am more aware than ever of the insane demands and pressures women face in regard to their bodies. (An English teacher would have a field day with that opening line, eh? Bodies, bodies, bodies FTW!)

That’s not to deny that men deal with their own sets of pressures and societal/cultural expectations of beauty, health, physicality, masculinity, etc., but for the purposes of these posts, I am focusing on women.

My daughters have made me take a hard look at my own behavior, my own attitude about my body and other women’s bodies, and think about how I want them to think of their own bodies and the bodies of others. My own outlook and lived example will be the most influential element on their thinking at this early stage in their lives.

The bottom line is that I don’t want them thinking about bodies at all, but about people. Whole, complete beings who are so much more than pieces or parts. I want them to think of themselves and their personhood, not about the shell that their souls inhabit. (Lord that sounds cheesy but it is so very true.)

It is so critically important to me that I raise women who love themselves. Above all else. Who understand their worth and their value is beyond the size of their jeans or the cup of their bras. Who don’t need to make excuses for who they are and how their bodies look. Who love themselves so deeply that they understand the uniqueness and particulars of their own bodies, and can celebrate them, whatever form that takes.

I want them to know the power and strength and joy that comes from regular fitness and exercise, not because it makes their bodies look any particular way, but because it gives them both physical and mental strength and reprieve. Because it makes them feel good. Just like putting fresh, unprocessed food in their bodies makes them feel fresh and clean and well. I will never deny them the joy of homemade icecream or freshly baked cookies. The only “bad” food in our lives are processed, packaged foods. Something you grow in your backyard or make with your own hands is not “bad.” It is delicious and intended to be enjoyed. Just as consuming vegetables from one’s own garden or fruit from a local farm stand is a wonderful way to make yourself feel both mentally and physically well. Healthy. Good.

Food consumption and physical exercise should never be primarily motivated by a desire to look a specific way, but rather a desire to feel one’s best. The physical manifestation of that internal, mental, emotional wellness will come as a result of caring for oneself with respect, love, and joy, not fear, disappointment, pressure, or shame. If you’re seeking guidance on maintaining a balanced and healthy lifestyle, websites like Americansportandfitness.com can offer valuable insights and resources to support your journey.

Again, so cheesy. But so true. And so desperate to be put to words in the face of all the media and noise that tells us otherwise.

I try to live that daily with my daughters, from the food we prepare (our best attempts at fresh, balanced, wholesome meals with all the colors of the rainbow)  to the way we talk about that food (I try to never refer to sweets or any food (besides processed, packaged food) as “bad” or “naughty,” as that is setting them up for dangerous, shameful thinking when it comes to enjoying food and their eating habits). We take time daily for physical play and exertion, whether on a walk with the dogs or running through the sprinkler. To make these activities even more enjoyable, consider upgrading your gear with comfortable and stylish womens workout clothes that provide the perfect blend of functionality and fashion.

I also try to exist in my body, this body now succumbing to the effects of gravity and maternity and age, with confidence and love. I walk around casually in my underwear and a t-shirt sans bra or make up on a lazy Sunday morning. I lounge in the backyard in my bathing suit on a hot day reading a book or weeding the garden. I dress up in fancy dresses and rock red lipstick for special dinners out. I dance like a fool while wearing my most tattered pair of sweatpants. I don’t glare at myself in the mirror analyzing every flaw. I don’t suck in my tummy or claim I can’t wear something because my body isn’t “right.” That’s not to say that I haven’t rotated some clothing out of my wardrobe over the past decade, but I do it because I accept that some clothes are no longer suited for this ever-changing shell and that I deserve to find clothes that make me feel comfortable, at ease, and confident. If I’m going to be fidgeting with the waist of a pair of pants all day because they no longer fit, I try to accept that reality as gracefully as possible, and I do not involve my daughters in any disappointment or frustration I may feel about it.

This isn’t to say that I don’t have my down moments, moments when I am sad or disappointed or frustrated with my body. We all do. But I have been working very hard, especially in the last five years, to keep that frustration and disappointment in check. To think about the root cause of that disappointment which is largely based in society’s expectations of what I am supposed to look like – not my daughters’, not my partner’s, and certainly not my own. A number on the scale or on a clothing tag should in no way define my comfort or happiness in my body. And I want to do my best to teach my daughters that before the world screams at them to feel differently.

And so in my bathing suit I dance with my girls, stretch marks be damned!

Details about the Miraclesuit I’m wearing in these photos plus this week’s giveaway of a Miraclesuit of your choosing at the bottom of the post! For last week’s post, visit here. 

In these photos I’m wearing my favorite tankini in all the land by Miraclesuit. It’s got a built in bra to hold my post-breastfeeding pair in place so they’re not knocking my knees while I hang by the pool, plus high waisted bottoms so I don’t feel like my own bottom will make a showing when I’m seated on the edge of the hot tub lifeguarding two preschoolers. I love that I can tie the straps in a bow in front on the rare occasion when I am undisturbed in the sunshine so I can do some strap-free tanning, but that it is secure and supportive enough so that I can also chase my kids around the pool.

This is the second of three opportunities to win a Miraclesuit or Magicsuit of your choosing. That’s a winning of up to $180! To enter this week’s giveaway follow the instructions below via Rafflecopter. Thank you for entering and for liking Blog a la Cart and Miraclesuit on Facebook and for following @blogalacart and @miraclesuitswim on Instagram. We’ll see you next week!

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Currently Gawking

Things are going to be pretty quiet around here (save for my Miraclesuit posts) as I am in crazy work mode and some things have come up that have only intensified that work. Plus, wedding season begins for me in two weekends, so I’ve got my first of a slew of summer weddings to shoot. Very excited for these experiences, but they only add to my list of more pertinent TO DOs than this wee blog. But I couldn’t resist sharing this link that Kimmy brought to my attention this weekend. It seemed relevant in light of all I’ll be talking about this month re: bathing suits and bodies and women and society and beauty, etc. and so on.

What If Famous Paintings were Photoshopped to look like Fashion Models?

More images here. Pretty disturbing stuff, actually.

Titian, Danaë With Eros, 1544

Miraclesuit // 1

I feel like I should begin this post with an apology and expression of nerves and fear. But I’d be lying if I did that. And I’d be buying into a notion that women of a certain age or size or fitness or shape should make excuses for their bodies, should apologize for the space they inhabit and the view they demand.

I’m not sorry. Or embarrassed. Or fearful. In fact, I’m excited. Excited to be given a platform to talk about women, particularly mothers, and swimwear and girl *ahemwomenahem* power and embracing this amazing, life giving, awesome body that I get to claim as my own. You can buy best quality swimsuits on davidthompson200 .

I don’t see it as flawed. Or imperfect. Sadly, I can’t say that I’ve always felt that way. In fact, in many respects, when my body was most “perfect” (by society’s standards, anyway), I was the most critical and ashamed. But perspective and experience and giving birth to other female bodies has changed that. And I’m saddened that that is not more universally the case for women and mothers. I hear friends and colleagues and female acquaintances express frustration and disappointment about their bodies. Excuses. Wishes. Goals. Rarely do I hear women champion and celebrate the body that they are in here and now. And it’s a heartbreaking reality of the impossible beauty standards we put on women, of the way that we claim women as bodies and pieces rather than whole beings who are more than their thighs or their tummies or their hips or their butts or their chests or numbers on a scale. For more upcoming collection of swimsuits visit us topquartile.

Do I sometimes find myself analyzing one particular piece of my body, questioning if it could be “better” (read: thinner) and thus thinking about exercising more and eating less, trying to mold that part of me into someone else’s notion of what it “should” look like? Sure, absolutely. But then I tell that socially constructed, woman hating part of my mind to shove it. And I go eat an ice cream cone with my daughters, or on a walk with friends, or cozy up with our latest book club novel.

Over the course of the next month, I’m going to be rolling out a series of posts of me rocking various bathing suits and talking about women and daughters and mothers and bodies and fear and expectation and health and beauty and all the nonsense wrapped up in the image of a woman in a bathing suit.

While in Florida earlier this year, I posted the top photo of me with the girls wearing a recent swimsuit purchase. I was surprised by the number of emails I received asking me about the suit, complimenting me for my “brave” choice to post it on the Internet, and asking me to talk more about that choice.

Look, I’m not brave. First responders, our men and women in the military, doctors, The President – these are people that we can call brave.

I’m just a mama wearing a swimsuit next to a pool in Florida with her kids.

But I do have feelings about this, because I know in the eyes of many this is seen as brave. I know that many women avoid bathing suit season like the plague and go to great lengths to hide, conceal, or altogether avoid being seen out in public in a bathing suit. And, dude, the summer is just too hot for that nonsense. It pains me that women are embarrassed or ashamed or apologetic about their bodies as though their bodies are anybody’s business but their own!

I was fortunate to have a childhood growing up sailing and swimming and diving all summer long, which fed into summer jobs as a sailing instructor, so from age 8 to 24, I lived in a swimsuit as part of my daily life from June-August. I am very very comfortable parading around in a swimsuit, as I’ve been so conditioned to do so. But friends and other women have commented on this apparent confidence, especially as my body has become less and less “acceptable” and the prescribed ideal of what a woman is supposed to look like in order to wear a swimsuit in public.

I say PHOOEY to that noise.

If I’m going to enjoy the summer, I best be outside soaking up as much Vitamin D as possible and lounging by a body of water, and the optimal wardrobe for that is indeed a swimsuit.

I don’t pretend like my body hasn’t changed, especially since carrying, birthing and breastfeeding two children, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find a suit that fits my current body shape and still makes me feel confident and sexy and ready for the practical demands of fun in the sun with two kids.

I have suits from my pre-baby years, and suits from my pregnancy/maternity/breastfeeding years, but I hadn’t invested in swimsuits for post-breastfeeding, post-pregnancy, preschool-kid toting life. While on a work trip in Florida, I had an afternoon to myself and a boutique overflowing in bathing suits at my disposal. I spent two hours scouring the racks, trying on suit after suit, and ultimately landed on this gem from Miraclesuit called the Network Jena. It was, in a word, fantastic. Fantastic color. Fantastic style. Fantastic fit. It held my body in place so that I didn’t have to worry about a rogue boob flopping out of the suit mid-leap into the pool or dive into the ocean. I could chase and play and splash with my girls without readjusting straps and fidgeting and constant attention to what I was wearing. Instead I could just be, in the sun, on the beach, by the pool, and feel great.

I reached out to Miraclesuit about partnering for this column as I think about how to raise my daughters as women with healthy body image and balanced perspective on beauty and health and wellness constantly, and this suit and people’s reactions to it, gave me a new angle and food for thought. And because after trying on more styles by Miraclesuit, I am convinced that this brand knows how to design bathing suits for women of all shapes, sizes, and ages. And that is what we deserve. And maybe that confidence in finding a suit that is stylish and well-made and cut for one’s body properly regardless of size will help us women reclaim a place that is less about fitting society’s mold of beauty and more about celebrating who we are as unique individuals with life experiences that have literally shaped the very appearance of those bodies.

Maybe it’s a stretch, but never underestimate the power of a confident, carefree woman.

____________________________________________

Here are some images of me wearing the Network Jena at Barton Springs Pool during our trip to Austin, TX last month. I’ll roll out more thoughts and styles next week, but hop to the bottom of the post for your chance to win a Miraclesuit of your choosing. And I’d love to hear your thoughts about any or all of the above ramblings. Thanks for joining me in this month long exploration, and remember, as cheesy as it may sound, you are, indeed, a miracle.

They’ll be three opportunities to win a Miraclesuit or Magicsuit of your choosing over the next month. That’s a winning of up to $180, three times! To enter this week’s giveaway follow the instructions below via Rafflecopter. Thank you for entering and for liking Blog a la Cart and Miraclesuit on Facebook and for following @blogalacart and @miraclesuitswim on Instagram. We’ll see you next week!

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When Nurture Calls

I love everything about this. Especially because during the height of my breastfeeding days, I wrote pointedly about this struggle. Most notably here and here.

Would you eat here? By law, breastfeeding mothers are not protected from harassment and refusal of service in public, often forcing them to feed in secluded spaces such as public bathrooms. Contact your state and/or local representative to voice your support for breastfeeding mothers, because a baby should never be nurtured where nature calls.

More information about the When Nurture Calls campaign here.

Maternity Leave

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m moving to Sweden. Especially if James and I plan to expand our family further (jury’s still out on that one). When it comes to all things Maternity, Pregnancy and Infancy, the USA is most definitely not #1. And what saddens me most is that we’re at the bottom of the barrel. Women and families are distressingly undervalued in this country.

Currently Reading

The Language of Dude Feminism. Yep.

Again, this isn’t to say that these campaigns haven’t done good, but rather, that they should go farther. There is certainly something to be said about using the language of the patriarchy to subvert the patriarchy, or of using privilege to end privilege, but it’s not clear that’s what’s being done. Rather, it looks as if men are given a privileged place in the feminist movement, one where they are praised for simply not being terrible and their much-vaunted power remains intact.

Currently Playing

As though I could be more obsessed with Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Bobby Lopez! It turns out that Kristen and I are both products of the Williams College Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies department. And I loved what she had to say about her approach to writing the songs for Frozen in this recent interview on NPR (P.S. Sunny and Kaki’s favorite song is “We Know Better” – it’s well well worth a listen):

If you have the deluxe CD, you will see my very strong strike across the bow at all princess-myth things in the form of a song called “We Know Better,” which was a song that was cut. But it basically was these two princesses bonding over all of the things that the world expects and thinks of them. [The world thinks] that they’re perfect and sweet and sugar and spice and all things nice, and it was the two of them misbehaving and being fully well-rounded children with all the good and bad and imagination and mischief that I really feel that it’s important for our girls to be allowed to be.

It got cut, but you can tell the whole movie is full of this point of view — as much as [screenwriter and co-director] Jennifer Lee and I could put in it, because we’re both Park Slope moms, we both went through the ’90s, we took the women’s-studies courses, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to push my kids on the swing at the playground if I had written a movie where the girl wore the puffy dress and was saved not by anything active she did, but by being beautiful enough to be kissed by a prince.

Currently Reading

Some really good food for thought for this particular mama who cringes and bemoans the princess/pink madness regularly:

“Chill out” is very good advice. The pink phase will pass like anything else, and if it doesn’t, well, then, you have raised a human being who really likes pink. Which is the same as raising a human being who really likes green. The meaning of the color is what we make it mean. By steering our daughters away from the pink aisle to subvert dangerous gender norms, we’re reinforcing them.