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Thought.

Pregnant women should not be allowed anywhere near Google.com when they are given “abnormal” test results related to their fetuses.

I am that pregnant woman who is irrationally playing Google doctor and ugly crying.

A month ago, when we learned that we were expecting a baby girl, we were asked to come in for another ultrasound because the doctor was not satisfied with the pictures of the Sesame Seed’s kidneys. We had the second ultrasound yesterday, and my midwife called me to this morning to tell me that it appears that one of her kidney’s is mildly enlarged.

And we need to do further tests.

At that point I’m pretty sure that I blacked out from panic and came to scheduling a 3 hour appointment with some doctors at Dartmouth that will walk us through genetic consultations and super snazzy ultrasounds to try and get a handle on what might be the problem. If there even is a problem.

I know my midwife told us that it is probably nothing. That she recently delivered a baby that had been labeled as having marked (as in SEVERELY) enlarged kidneys, and when the baby was born, everything was normal and fine.

But that probably is K-I-L-L-I-N-G me.

James, per usual, is as cool as a cucumber and has been reminding me that A. Stressing about it only adds stress on the baby, so I need to bitch be cool, and B. As my midwife said, there is nothing I can do about the situation except keep on keeping on.

I don’t know if there is anything more infuriating than telling a first born, Type A personality that she cannot control something. Especially when that something is living inside her body. I’m her mother, I should be able to do something, anything, to help. And yet, I have to just move forward and cross my fingers that it’s nothing.

I could use a hug.

And physical removal from my computer screen and some xanax might not hurt either.

 

Obsession.

She counts herself in circles when we ask her to count to 10. Apparently, two and ten are synonymous and cause her to start the process all over. I love her panic as she realizes SHE MAY JUST NEVER MAKE IT TO TEN! And the hands aimlessly moving as she mimics how James and I count with our fingers.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9… 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9…2

 

Month 5


Long-Sleeve Hemp Cross Back Tee in Fern by be present

How am I feeling?, you ask. Well, FABULOUS, a thank you very much.

It is so very refreshing and gratifying to be able to respond that way, and truly mean it. After a nauseous 1st trimester and a sinus infection filled fourth month, I am (finally) fully immersed in the honeymoon stage of pregnancy. I recognize that with each passing day, the Sesame Seed grows and thus my comfort declines. But I’m trying to stay positive, despite my ankles that throb slightly quicker than usual (this is where James and his nightly foot rubs come into play) and my constant need to urinate.

I so sympathize with the post-60 crowd in my Zumba class. We are constantly running to the restroom for relief throughout the hour long routine.

Also, this baby? She’s an active one. Last night I suffered through two hours of her turning flips and performing an Olympic scale gymnastics floor routine in my uterus.

I get it. You’re alive and (literally) kicking. Now can we just chill out?! Mama needs her sleep!

While it’s reassuring to know that she’s moving and grooving inside, it always happens at the most inopportune moments. All day, while I am walking or moving around, she sleeps because my motion soothes her to slumber. The moment I cease motion, however, and say, lie down to sleep myself, she awakes. My doctor with Addison described it as comparable to sleeping in a car. The motion of the vehicle lulls you to sleep, but once parked, you immediately awake.

I AM NOT A MOVING AUTOMOBILE, Sesame Seed.

I think I’m going to loose this battle. But at least I’m looking super cute while doing it thanks to be present. Just check out my rocking booty below courtesy of the Long-Sleeve Hemp Cross Back Tee. I highly recommend to all, pregnant belly or no.

 

The Month 5 shoot was particularly enjoyable because Sunny joined us in the studio. That’s when these silly photos were taken. She has become more and more interested in the belly as it has become more and more prominent. As expected, however, she does not fully understand what it means when we tell her that her baby sister is in that growing belly. Just this morning she lifted up her own shirt, touched her tummy, and said, “Hi, baby!”

I’d been waiting for that moment.

James and I corrected her and tried explaining that, no, Sunny did not have a baby in her belly, but Mommy did.That’s rather abstract information for a not-even-two-year old to absorb, but at least we’re trying, eh?

And Addison’s Fairy Godmother gifted her with some early birthday presents – an array of books about pregnancy and welcoming a new baby into the home written for soon-to-be older siblings. She very much enjoys the books, and we hope that they’ll help make clear some of what’s happening in our household.

Regardless, we’re reveling in watching her interact with her baby sister, even if her understanding of it all is limited. And now that the Sesame Seed’s kicks and bumps in utereo resonate on the outside of the belly, the whole family can engage with her a little more fully.

Although to Sunny, it must seem like mommy has a belly that can dance. It’s one pretty talented piece of anatomy.

Just wait until the third trimester, Sunny. Mommy’s tummy will be doing the tango.

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* Do you want to win the super stylish and cozy Long-Sleeve Hemp Cross Back Tee that I’m wearing?!? Of course you do! Jump on over to Green Eyed Monster to enter!

**Photos: Courtesy of Kate Drew Miller Photography
As always, I cannot thank Kate enough for taking on this project with me. She rocks. Truly.

***Clothes: Courtesy of be present
Please, head on over to Facebook and ‘like’ the heck out of this awesome company. And if you’re on Twitter, why don’t you give ‘em a follow? And you can check out their whole line and subscribe to their newsletter by heading over to www.bepresent.com.

**** Click to see Month 1, Month 2, Month 3, Month 4 and deats on my partnership with be present.