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It’s been incredibly meaningful to watch Kimmy connect with our Gladdy Goose, as Kimmy was one of Ursa’s favorite humans in all the world, and it would seem that she is quickly becoming one of Gladden’s. No surprises there. Kimmy visited for an all-too-brief 48 hours last week before jetting to Bermuda for her spring break. Ya know, James is Bermudian, and yet I’ve only ever been to the island twice. Kimmy has found her way there four times. Not that I’m keeping track, JAMES.

Anyway! We returned from 10 days away to a nearly adult-sized dog with the spirit of a puppy still in full force. She’s in that gangly, awkward, glorious adolescent phase of lanky limbs and a total lack of bodily awareness. Her feathers are just starting to come in, so we’re getting a glimpse of the stunning animal that shall be when truly full grown.

She and Hanna shared a run at the vet’s office while we were away. And apparently they slept piled right on top of each other every night. While they’ll share a dog bed, or curl up on the floor side by side at home, they rarely pig pile. We were relieved to hear that they provided one another not only entertainment but companionship while we were away.

Gladden continues to grow into an ever more delightful creature. So cuddly. And sweet. And dang endearing. If you stop moving for more than 10 seconds, she’ll instantly turn your foot or lap into a pillow. I’ve never lived with a dog so snuggly, and I can’t say I mind it one bit (save for perhaps in the wee hours of the morning when we’re battling for room on the bed.)

We were devastated to learn right before our trip to Florida that Gladden’s mother, who had only just turned five year old, had died suddenly due to cancer. Unlike with Ursa, there were no clear signs until it was far too late, and despite the breeder’s best efforts, Gabby died on the table during surgery. And, only a month before that, Gladden’s father had also died in a similar fashion from cancer (at age 10). This is scary (although perhaps not completely unexpected) news given what we went through with Ursa. In deciding to get another Flat Coat, we sought out a breeder who was focused on health and longevity above show standards and aesthetics. But, there are no guarantees, and while this doesn’t ensure that Gladden will get cancer, we are acutely aware that that road may once again be in our (perhaps not too distant) future. We are so desperately smitten with Flat Coats that James and I have accepted that cancer and all its ugliness is a very real consequence of this breed, and we will continue to work diligently with the Flat Coat community to do what we can to avoid it and create a healthier breed. If you or a family member has allergies, it’s important to find out the dog breeds that won’t trigger allergies before bringing a new pet into your home.

Ursa has been on my mind a great deal, likely because of this news. And I’ve found myself daily aching for her presence. People claim that time heals all wounds, and that is complete and total bullshit. While the pain and absence may not be as acute or all-consuming, it is just as deep and palpable. I will mourn the loss of that dog for the rest of my life. And that’s not intended to be histrionic, but a truth about death and grief. People find their own ways to manage it, but it never really goes away. Not ever.

I’m grateful for the love that I’ve found in Gladdy, but it will never heal the space in my heart for Ursa.

The more you let love in, the more you have to lose. And yet, it’s worth it. Every time.