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James’ cousin is expecting her first child and she emailed us asking for some guidance on L.A. area maternity care, specifically our thoughts on our doula and our experience delivering Addison at Cedars Sinai in Beverly Hills. James responded before I had the chance, and once again, swept me off my feet. Here’s a man that really gets it. I am so lucky to call him my partner.

I’m sure Ashley will respond in more detail – but I just want to come out of the gate as a strong Doula supporter. It took me some getting used to the idea when Ashley first threw it out there, and then even when we met and decided on one I thought she was way too hippie for me, but it was for Ashley, so she got to make the call — then, when it was all happening, I couldn’t have been more thankful that we had her. Ashley frequently recounts that some of my first words after we left the hospital were “best money we ever spent” on that doula.

It’s really worth more of a phone call than email but my short version: Today’s medical system doesn’t stack in your favor for continuity of care on delivery day. There’s no promise, and in fact it’s rare, to have your OB be the one who delivers your baby. Even if it is your OB, they likely won’t be there until the last hour or so anyway – when the pushing starts. Hiring a Doula ensures that you have a partner in your corner for delivery day. Someone who knows your preferences, your birth plan, your 1st 2nd and 3rd choice scenarios as things unfold on that day. Someone who can calm you down, someone who can calm your spouse down and explain what’s happening without being distracted by the 15 other patients they’re attending to at the same time.

There’s credibility I can never have, being a man, but I think Ashley will agree that there’s no need to head to Cedars, unless you have a high risk pregnancy. Even so, it may still be more beneficial to be at Torrance. TMC is a great hospital (at least it was 4 yrs ago). Little Company of Mary, San Pedro was right around the corner from us, and if we had it all to do over again we’d have been there – but hindsight is 20/20. Courtland’s birth at a little Southern Vermont Medical Center, where I think she was one of maybe 3 babies born that day – was a very different experience for us than the “baby factory” of Cedars that I believe generally has 40+ babies delivered a day. That’s not to say that Cedars’ was bad — more just that it was overkill for what we needed — and more pertinently, overkill for what we thought we’d even need. There’s this mentality of “be in a state of the art hospital just in case” that really just gets in the way of what is one of the most natural experiences in everybody’s life…

There are a hundred right ways to have a baby – it’s about what makes you the most comfortable. Doulas help achieve that in so many ways – and just to reiterate — they’ll really help your partner, too — or any loved one you choose to help/witness that incredible experience.

Swoon. Swoon. Swoon. How I love this man. And here’s a more thorough post on hiring a doula.