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Sisterly Love

This weekend we will somehow move all of our material possessions to the farm with this motorized babe and busy preschooler in our midst.

Wish us luck. Or send rum. Preferably Goslings.

Long Term Relationship Barbie

I don’t know how I missed this Internet meme, but thank god that balance has been restored in the universe. The original image can be found here.

Yesterday evening, I texted with Kaki’s FGM (Fairy Godmother) about her homecoming with baby and the joys of one’s milk arriving…. what? You thought all the biological mayhem stopped after baby was delivered? Have you not read all my oversharing from spring of 2009 and summer of 2011? I suggest you check the archives for the full scoop because the fun doesn’t stop with baby being born – you’ve got to birth a placenta, constrict your uterus, rock mesh undies filled with ice and padding, toughen up your nipples to a baby’s suckle, and experience the engorgement of milk coming in, all on approximately negative hours of sleep. We tend to forget to talk about the aftermath, probably because we’re so sleep deprived and drunk off a raging imbalance of hormones and maternal love that we block it out long term, but the first few weeks postpartum are even more outrageous than the weeks prior to baby’s arrival. I repeat, Month 10 is worse than Month 9. And that’s saying a lot given the discomfort of the final weeks of pregnancy.

ANYWAY! Right, so milk coming in… may I recommend padding your bra with cabbage leaves? I may. Want to know the perfect homecoming gift for a new mama? A head of cabbage. And a gallon of ice cream.

You’re welcome.

In G’s text she commented, “This shit is glamorous, yo. Have you seen the pic of ‘Long Term Relationship Barbie’? Pretty much.”

And if that doesn’t sum up the household of every new parent, I don’t know what does. It just needs a poopy diaper, a dirty burp cloth, and a milk stained nursing bra to really drive the message home. Something like this or this, perhaps.

Note: The artist who created the original image for the meme above is Mariel Clayton. Her work is extremely provocative and disturbing, so be warned before clicking over and taking a look. I personally find it brilliant. Horrifyingly, nauseatingly brilliant.