Life on the Farm (I)

We’ve had the keys to the house less than a week and already a floor is missing. And a wall.

Thank goodness we don’t actually move in until April 30th, eh?

See, the thing is, we hadn’t intended to remove said wall. Or floor. But it appears that James and I lack impulse control, so when left unattended with this home, this home that is now ours to control and destroy, walls and floors go missing.

This weekend, James and my dad intended to merely remove one shelf in order to outfit our home with a refrigerator. But after the shelf removal, the fridge still didn’t fit, so they decided to remove all the cabinets.

I suppose James figured he’d taken it that far, why not just replace all the dry wall and build some custom cabinets.

Of course, last night, after said wall removal, he was overheard mumbling to the computer, “Well this is far more daunting than expected…”

Why do I feel as though this is the ongoing narrative of home ownership?

He is currently at the farm, claiming that the wall will be reinstalled by morning.

What a sweet, optimistic lad. Let’s not kill the enthusiasm. Lord knows the project will do that on its own.

And then today, during lunch, I went to the house solo to apply some paint swatches to get a move on freshening up the walls before the house is covered in all our worldly possessions and I… well… got distracted? Was overcome by a startling case of ADD? Channeled my inner James Cart? Question mark?

You see,  instead of painting, I spent my afternoon tearing chunks of tile from the floor in the bathroom.

I hadn’t realized how badly cracked the tile was in the room prior to owning the house.  And today, while christening the porcelian throne, I became fixated on all the cracks and breaks on that floor. So I reached down and tugged, and when I experienced how readily the tile was bending at my will, I couldn’t help myself. Half the tile was up within 10 minutes and there I was, seated among a heap of broken ceramic and dust.

I reluctantly called James and announced that I would be installing a new bathroom floor prior to move in. Oh, and could he please bring over a chisel and sledge hammer when he came over so I could tackle the persnickety corner pieces?

He questioned whether I had worn gloves? Or protective eye gear? Or a face mask? during this little impulse project.



Um, no. Who does he think he’s dealing with? The Queen of Instant Gratification, that’s who. But I promise, next time…

This evening, I went back with the girls while James was at Home Depot stocking up for his project.

While I ventured back into the bathroom, Sunny and Kaki entertained themselves right outside the door with a pile of toys and a box of Cheddar Bunnies.

I’m not going to pretend for a second like I didn’t feel like a total badass, demolishing a tile floor while my two little girls sat outside the doorway watching their mama demonstrate that girls can kick butt at this stuff too.

So what if I plan to replace the floor with hot pink carpeting?

Not kidding.

To be continued…