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This is what I gifted James for Valentine’s Day, because we spend an inordinate amount of our time together in a bathroom environment. Namely dealing with other people’s bodily fluids. Romance at its best.

And this is what he gifted me:

Apparently he really wants to get laid, because nothing makes my heart soar more than the prospect of chicken ownership. My reaction may have been akin to Kristen Bell’s. My chickens are to her sloth. This analogy clearly belongs on the SAT.