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Month: November, 2010

Sweater Wreath

This past Sunday marked the first of many weekly craft days I have instituted. I rounded up some fellow crafty gals to share in the joy of handmade goodness. Our first assignment: DIY Sweater Wreaths.

We started by rounding up piles of old wool sweaters – whether holey, out of style, shrunk in the dryer, or just hidden in the back of our closets from lack of wear – and came armed on Sunday with the sweaters already felted. We then spent the late morning into afternoon cutting up the sweaters, drinking mimosas, chatting, wrestling with wire, stringing wool scraps, munching on egg strata, experimenting with different baubles to embellish our finished wreaths, and consuming our weight in chocolate cake. It was quite the productive Sunday, and a wonderful way to cap off the weekend.

Materials:
– Wool sweaters, felted (run through a hot wash cycle in the washing machine, then toss in the dryer. Repeat as necessary). Scour your closet and thrift shops/Salvation Army for discarded sweaters. We each contributed 3-5 sweaters, for a total of around 15-20 sweaters.
– Scissors hefty enough to cut through felted sweater
– Hanger wire – we used hangers from our dry cleaning
– Pliers/wire cutters to help in manipulating and forming your wreath structure

Recommended (albeit unnecessary) materials:
– Any embellishments (buttons, bells, ribbons, beads, etc) to add the finishing touches to the wreaths (use needle and thread to apply.)
– Mimosas
– Cheesy, sausage filled egg strata
– Strong coffee
– Some good tunes
– Cake – delicious delicious (homemade) fondant chocolate cake

Directions:
1. Begin by cutting up the sweaters into squares of around 1″-2″ wide. The squares do not need to be uniform – and they can always be cleaned up later by the person stringing the wreath. Please note the champagne flutes. And the experimental use of partially cut sweaters. And the epic pile of felted wool squares! And Sunny getting into the action – with a shot of the cake in the background.

Mimosas and cutting, obviously.

A button necklace from a cardigan.

A dickey!

Sweater vest!

A crafter in the making!

2. Next, open up the hangers and manipulate into a general round, wreath form. They do not need to be exact, and we discovered that depending on the clothes we had had dry cleaned, the hangers themselves all varied so each required a bit of finagling. It was smart to use some of the actual hanger piece of the hanger (if that makes any sense) for the hanger part of your wreath (that could be hung on a nail, or wrapped in picture hanging wire or ribbon to then hang in your home).

Note: You could play a drinking game using the word ‘hang(er)(ing)’ with that last sentence.

3. Now begin compiling your wreath. You can punch the tip of the wire directly through the sweaters – no cutting necessary. We experimented with different ways of stringing the squares. You can simply push the wire through the center of each square and build up a dense wreath of squares lined one after the other. You can also fold the squares and push the wire through the folded edge to create a flowery, clustered look. Play with it! Have fun! It’s easy to remove the squares and start over if you don’t like the look you’re creating.

4. When you feel that your wreath is sufficiently loaded up with sweaters, connect the wires (again this will vary depending on the kind of hanger you used). Then play to your heart’s content with embellishing and decorating your creations! Here are samples of our finished creations.

Photos: Courtesy of Ashley Weeks Cart

Sunshine.

YOU CAN’T ESCAPE THE GRIMACE!

Annoyance

The bitty plastic toys that find their way under my foot, all. the. time.

Obsession

A baby cramming herself in a basket for no other reason than to be wedged in a basket.

Sunshine.

Our dancing queen, taking after Auntie Kimmy in her ability to memorize choreography at such a young age. Note: There is no coaching happening behind the camera (except when I ask her to jump because she got so distracted with the joys of flailing her arms back and forth). Those babies and their short attentions spans.

My favorite move: Wiggle Around.

Thought.

Luckiest. Woman. Alive. That’s who I am.

Sunshine.

She could be a goldfish commercial with that mouthful.

Smiley Face.

Things learned this week:

1. There is science behind this whole baby making thing. Who knew?!

2. When science gets involved, the romance of it all gets tossed out the window.

Fucking science.

After a failed attempt at snuggling Sunny a couple week’s ago (sucks that kid is so damn mobile and independent), a deep-seeded yearning manifested itself in the form of protesting ovaries and an over-eager uterus moaning, and aching, and craving a dependent being. Essentially, I desire a baby I can nuzzle to my heart’s content without physical resistance and vocalized opposition getting in the way.

Yes, I want to have another child in the name of snuggling.

And yes, my ovaries totally know how to stage a protest, complete with chanting and sassy hand drawn signage on neon posterboard.

So finally, after 17 months and 11 days of pleading (that would be Addison’s age minus a day) – James is getting his way. Expanding the family has become the new household goal.

At first we considered the whole “when the mood strikes” approach to baby making – considering it worked so brilliantly the first time. But then a friend of ours announced her pregnancy, and I got my period the next day, and was sent into a self-loathing hate spiral where I was convinced I was inadequate and would never be able to conceive another child*

*We’d be trying for 1 day.

Fortunately, said friend used the advantages of science in her efforts to procreate – and supplied me with her left over goods. This included an ovulation calculator. The instructions explicitly say that one is to use it at the same time everyday (preferably in the morning right after waking up), with at least 4 hours between the last urination, and in lieu of extreme water consumption.

Apparently I struggle to follow directions, as my testing occurred right before bed (a different hour every evening), after guzzling a cup of tea, typically with only 30 minutes between my last trip to the loo.

I’m not a follower, people. I’m a LEADER.

Right.

Not surprisingly, the test kept coming back with a big ol’ boring CIRCLE indicating an absence of LH surge. I surmised that perhaps my bladder full of tea was throwing off the test’s ability to detect any hormones whatsoever. I expected the entire month would go by in this fashion, over-saturated bladder and obsessive peeing to blame.

However, the other night I lazily brushed my teeth while awaiting the results of the evening’s test, anticipating the empty circle of inadequacy symbolic of my empty womb – OH THE METAPHOR! – when a big, cheeky smiley face flashed onto the screen.

What happened next can only be described as a militant drill dictated by a crazy, baby-craving, LH surging nut.

JAMES! HERE! NOW!

PANTS! OFF!

BABY! GO!

So much for the romance, the intimacy, the magic of conception. The past 48 hours, we’ve had a strange reversal of roles. I don’t think either of us ever anticipated James fighting me off, and me pouting in a corner at his dismissals. He claims it’s in the name of proper baby making – as *they* need rest. I believe the exact wording was:

I HAVE TO REGROUP! THEY HAVE TO REGROUP! IT’S SCIENCE!

As I said earlier, FUCK SCIENCE. Unless of course I am now pregnant with child. Then science totally rocks.

Obsession.

This flash and that baby. I sound like her auntie with my constant reference to being obsessed with her.

Annoyance.

Whenever she spots the camera (which is now more dramatic than ever thanks to the external flash and its diffuser) she says CHEESE! and strikes this grin. And by grin, I mean grimace. It’s so heartbreakingly adorable. And so heartbreakingly unattractive.