Biting the dust. Literally.

by Ashley Weeks Cart

So my mom broke her leg.

Seriously.

When the shit falls, it fucking dumps.

So that’s awesome. Particularly in three digit humidity with a mobile baby and three wacky dogs.

My parents are staying at our house, visiting with their grandchild, and enjoying a “relaxing summer in the Berkshires.”

Until Scarlet and Ursa went ape shit and knocked my mom off the ledge of our patio, causing her to pull a “Bambi on ice” and break two bones in her right leg.

My dad called me at work and is all, Um, are you busy? Can you come home? Don’t be alarmed by the ambulance outside the house – everyone’s fine. Mom just can’t move.

Excellent.

I arrived home (James was off at a doctor’s appointment, so my parents were babysitting until my mother became incapacitated) and thus I needed to take Addison so that my parents could head off to the hospital.

My favorite moment during the entire fiasco was when my mother started demanding to be “spritzed with perfume,” as she, in typical Weeks Woman Fashion, was wandering outside in a beach cover-up, not-yet-showered, sans culotte, watering the flowers when the dogs lost their shit and barreled her off a cliff (a 1 foot cliff, but a cliff nonetheless).

Obviously.

So the perfume was to diffuse her morning aroma.

Priorities, people.

Needless to say, she’s now on bed rest in our guest room until she can have surgery next week and then get put in a hard caste for 6 weeks+.

There goes the relaxing summer in the Berkshires.

Who knew that ‘capper-friendly bathroom in our home would come in handy, eh? (yes, by ‘capper I mean handicapped, and yes, our bathroom and guest “wing” (I use the term loosely) are complete with metal support bars and a showering seat.) My Ma is gonna live the dream of having an excuse to sit while showering.

Look at me, being positive, JAMES.

That explains the radio silence.

But, LOOK! Here’s a video of Sunny cruising around the house. Something my mother can no longer do. BAHAHAHAHA! It’s so awful, it’s funny. In that fucked-up, diabolical, slip-and-fall-in-a-pile-of-dog-crap kind of way. Ya know, FUNNY!

Maybe I can sneak some of my mom’s percs to take the edge off…