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Addison has been experimenting heavily. No, not with drugs, you crazy asshole, she’s only 6 months old! But with the many ways in which she can use her mouth to make ridiculous noises and sounds. She is an auditory wonder. After mastering the AH AH AH! yell, causing mommy to scoop out her eardrums with an icepick, she has (thankfully) learned new and less abrasive audio outputs.

First came raspberries, which makes feeding her solid food kind of like performance art. Splatter painting on mommy! If only I could sell my clothes as an organic Jackson Pollock. Then came sucking furiously on her lip and tongue, I think to feel that shiny, new tooth that makes her a living Jack-o-latern, except she looks like one of those sucker fish that vacuums the scum out of grimy fish tanks. Ewww. Then came my LEAST favorite of all the noises, which involves heavily and creepily inhaling. Like she’s suffocating. And choking. AND OH MY GOD SHE’S GOING TO DIE! Seriously, it’s like the over-dramatized croak one does when staging a theatrical death. And it’s horrifying. I have 10 gray hairs to show for it. Then came a high-pitched, sing-songy, haaaa haaaa. Not loud and aggressive like her first orations, but sweet and breathy, and actually fairly endearing, except when it hits the decibel that shatters glass. Then, not so much.

And finally, my most favorite new expression, what Auntie Kimmy and I have coined the “Grampa Smack.” She literally curls her lips under as though impersonating a toothless, gummy old dude (which is ironic, because she already is basically toothless (save one) and gummy to start), and then smacks them enthusiastically together. And it is pure entertainment. It’s always quite fleeting, and has been near impossible to catch on film. However, Auntie Kimmy, in a rage black out, caught a very brief 7 second clip that she has no recollection of taping (the drunk), but has titled “Grandpa No Smack?” because you can’t hear the smacking noise thanks to the serenade of Timbaland and One Republic’s “Apologize” in the background.

We’re giving her essential musical education, and early.

At least this gives you a visual of the wonder that is Grandpa Smack.