Blog a la Cart

My pediatrician had warned my husband and me that the infant we described as “easy” might occasionally deviate from this descriptor. I took her advice with a grain of salt. Bad idea.

Addison chose Saturday evening to allow the devil to take hold of her soul. She wailed and fused and demanded constant access to my boob, all the while pitching a fit and knocking the nipple shield, and thus breast milk, everywhere.  Nothing would sooth her. Not the usual nursing, or rocking in daddy’s arms, or even warm bath. She was filled with rage and fury and would not be pacified. We spent until 5:30 in the morning trying to get our furious, milk-drenched babe under control. I had taken charge of her around 1:00 am to allow my husband to get some sleep, but at 3:30 am, the exhaustion took hold and I collapsed on the bathroom floor in a puddle, sobbing equally as loud. My husband arrived in the bathroom and looked helplessly at the screaming competition happening on the floor. Addison ultimately won that fight, as James swept her up in is arms and demanded that I try to get some sleep and pull it together.

The next morning, we all awoke, still grumpy and tired and generally pissed from the night before. It was a long fussy day for the Cart family. James loaded us all in the car and headed to Babies R Us on a mission to find the perfect, soothing baby swing. Hadn’t I seen that “Sex and the City” episode where Miranda’s life was revolutionized by the presence of a swing in soothing baby Brady? Why no, James, but obviously YOU have. We meandered our way to the swing section, screaming infant in hand, and literally test-ran every dang swing in that store, as people looked on in horror as our child screamed as we passed her from one crazy machine to another. Of course, she selected the most expensive of the bunch, as demonstrated by her eased tears, but it didn’t matter, we would have sold ourselves to slave labor if it meant we could get this child to be quiet.

Ever since the arrival of said swing, our household has been one of peace and serenity (as peaceful and serene as a house with a two month old baby can be). Heaven forbid it ever breaks and I’m forced to use a vibrator to solve the problem.

See “Sex and the City” episode Critical Condition. Season 5, Episode 6.