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Category: Sanderling

Sander Smiles

When he smiles, I smile. When I smile, he smiles. And it is the best possible therapy on a rainy grey Sunday.

16/52

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“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”

Sunny: Obsessed with using our phones to text her auntie and Doda. Given that she’s practicing her writing while texting, we tend not to mind, though we often find her huddled away in a bedroom sending messages when we least suspect it. She even arranged a playdate with friends of ours, unbeknowst to us. Ha!
Kaki: This one has grown leaps and bounds in her mastery of letters. She loves to spend time before stories studying the words on the page and identifying all the letters.
Sander: Snuggles with his Doda.

More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here.

Sanderling’s Birth Announcement

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As I’ve mentioned in past posts about our yearly holiday card process, my mother instilled in us a love of stationary and the art of snail mail over the course of our childhoods. And thus, it’s no surprise that she also was a big believer in hardcopy birth announcements. She insisted that Addison have one, which of course meant that I needed to make sure that all things were equal and Courtland had one. (Both announcements I wrote about here). Naturally, I couldn’t leave Sanderling out.

While in some ways it seemed silly to focus on creating and mailing birth announcements in the immediate aftermath of my mother’s passing, it was also an incredibly healing process. It allowed me to give voice to Sander’s name and bittersweet connection to my mother. It allowed me to include thank you notes to all those that were so deeply supportive and kind and thoughtful in the weeks following her death and Sander’s birth. And it allowed me to engage in a process that was so deeply connected to my mother. She would have been so pleased with this welcoming of her grandson.

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I once again worked with Minted to create these beautiful announcements, and opted to have the card framed by them to save me a trip to the frame shop. They did a beautiful job, and it now hangs in his nursery like his big sisters’ did.

15/52

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The celebration of my mother’s life was held in the town where she raised our family, a beautiful, coastal village on the South Shore of Boston. Before driving back to Vermont on Sunday, we had a picnic at the beach where I grew up going as a child.

“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”

Sunny: She can never resist the pull of the water, even if it is positively frigid.
Kaki: She’s learned to write her letters, so she spelled out MOMAR in the sand for her grandmother.
Sander: My little squish. So fair and blue-eyed for all that bright sunshine. His first glance at the ocean.

More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here.

1/12: Sander’s First Year

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Friends of ours gifted Sander this adorable overall outfit in a size 12 month. The idea is that we photograph him wearing it each month until his 1st birthday, when it’s intended to fit. You know I love a good growth series, so after school on Thursday, Sunny and I snapped photos of our happy, alert, little guy for the first installment.

While it may fit him prior to Month 12 given his size jump start at birth, the straps are adjustable, so I’m confident it will still fit in some capacity on his first birthday.

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Sanderling // One Month

Sweet baby boy,

Your daddy has come to refer to you as “My Anchor.” It is such an apt nickname for the way you have provided perspective and stability during a time when I could so very quickly spiral out of control.

It’s ironic, given how unpredictable and unstable newborn days often feel. Over the course of the past month, we have already experienced so much and survived so many bumps and hurdles. Those early days with you feel like a lifetime ago. From long hours in the hospital working on your latch with a team of nurses helping with position and pushing pumped milk into the nipple shield so your instant gratification personality wouldn’t yell quite so furiously, to a week spent holed up in my bedroom nursing and pumping and crying over sore, infected, feverish breasts, to venturing out of the house and braving public interaction for the first time since your grandmother died.

Parents are looked at as the protectors and keepers of their babies, and yet you are more a shield for me than I could ever be for you. You’re a focal point, a distraction, an excuse, a reason, a silver lining, and I can weather most social exchanges knowing I have you pressed against me as my protective, grounding cloak.

We’ve already packed away any 0-3 month clothes, a physical metaphor for the closing of your newborn days. You are now one month old, and fit comfortably into 6 month clothes, following in the footsteps of your oversized sisters. Every day, you are more alert, stronger, less a squishy mush and more a round, chubby baby. But I’m still enjoying that newborn lip quiver, those googley, wondering eyes, and those squeaky, pitiful infant noises. Most notably, your epic grunts. You are one loud, grunty babe, even in your sleep. And it is so very, very ridiculous.

I feel so deeply connected to you, my love. You are my saving grace during a time when I could not imagine needing it more.

I love you, my Sanderling. Happy One Month Birth Day.

143 Mama

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14/52

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“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”

Enjoying some April (snow) showers. Oh life in Vermont! On the upside, the girls got to finally use their sonic sleds from L.L. Bean, gifted by their great-grandmother this winter. And Sander was able to properly put to use his cozy bear bunting from Momar. (Thanks for the snow day, Mom. It was beautiful.)

Sunny: Snow Angel #1
Kaki: Snow Angel #2
Sander: Snow Angel #3

More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here.

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13/52

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“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”

Sunny: We’ve been taking many family walks on the weekend to spend time all together and bask in the sunshine and fresh air. Sure, it’s muddy and the dogs get disgusting, but it’s always a highlight regardless. Sunny is desperate to learn how to skip a stone. Regular practice has commenced on our neighbor’s pond while the dogs, particularly Gladdy, swim with glee. (Also? Sunny looks like she could be 13 in this photo. She’s growing so so fast!)
Kaki: Speaking of growing too fast, Courtland had Kindergarten information night last week at the local elementary school. While she’ll be the youngest in her class, she is beyond ready. When she arrived home, she burst through the door with a bag filled with books and declared, “THAT WAS THE MOST FUN EVER!” Oh, she’s ready. (I don’t know if I am – how can she be a Kindergartener!?)
Sander: This isn’t really a portrait of Sander, but it sure is a portrait of the love his family feels for him. (My heart just about explodes witnessing James as a father of three. He was made for this role.)

More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here

Sanderling // Four Weeks

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Today, Sanderling is four weeks old. And I could write a tome about the onslaught of time, and how quickly his newborn stage has flown, but instead I’m going to curl right back up on the couch with my baby pressed against my chest, inhaling all that infant sweetness, and living in the moment with him, because that is the best way for me to enjoy and remember.

I have really and truly found myself settling in to moments and finding peace in the way time moves with a newborn. We accomplish so little by every day standards, and yet our days are full of so much. So much love, and bonding, and connection, and learning. And I am grateful for every second in the face of my grief. I’ve spent less time recording it, and more time being present for it.

One day I’ll write his birth story. Or share our pictures from Easter. Or write more about my mother and my grief and our life in The After. But maybe I won’t. And that’s okay, too. I’m willing gentleness on myself, as it is what I need most of all.

In these photos, Sander is wearing a French outfit from my babyhood. I wish my mother could have seen this little “mouton” in what she chose for her own babies 30 years ago. I wish for so many things, but am finding comfort in what I do have in the face of all those unfulfilled wishes.
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Sanderling // Three Weeks

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Sweet Sanderling is already three weeks old. And here he is right before waking up in what James and I have dubbed the “co-waker.” He’d been snoozing for a long period, and I needed to nurse, so we turned to our co-sleeper to rouse him (for whatever reason, he seems to wake up immediately upon being placed in it). Which means, this child has spent all of his sleeping hours pressed up against another person and it’s as much for us as it is for him. Such comfort and healing comes from the peace of a sleeping newborn. And this household needs as much of that as we can get.

The co-sleeper has proved to be a handy side table slash method of waking the baby. It is guaranteed to disturb his slumber upon laying him in it. And thus provide adorable staging for scenes such as this.

He is more wakeful now that he’s hit three weeks, and as grunty as ever, demanding nursing or a diaper change with the bleats akin to a baby goat. His sleep has also been more restless, so James and I are feeling particularly zombie-esque. But we know how temporary this time is and know we can survive it. And mostly, we’re all just enjoying how dang sweet and endearing this little love is.

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