Blog a la Cart

14/52

“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”

Enjoying some April (snow) showers. Oh life in Vermont! On the upside, the girls got to finally use their sonic sleds from L.L. Bean, gifted by their great-grandmother this winter. And Sander was able to properly put to use his cozy bear bunting from Momar. (Thanks for the snow day, Mom. It was beautiful.)

Sunny: Snow Angel #1
Kaki: Snow Angel #2
Sander: Snow Angel #3

More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here.

13/52

“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”

Sunny: We’ve been taking many family walks on the weekend to spend time all together and bask in the sunshine and fresh air. Sure, it’s muddy and the dogs get disgusting, but it’s always a highlight regardless. Sunny is desperate to learn how to skip a stone. Regular practice has commenced on our neighbor’s pond while the dogs, particularly Gladdy, swim with glee. (Also? Sunny looks like she could be 13 in this photo. She’s growing so so fast!)
Kaki: Speaking of growing too fast, Courtland had Kindergarten information night last week at the local elementary school. While she’ll be the youngest in her class, she is beyond ready. When she arrived home, she burst through the door with a bag filled with books and declared, “THAT WAS THE MOST FUN EVER!” Oh, she’s ready. (I don’t know if I am – how can she be a Kindergartener!?)
Sander: This isn’t really a portrait of Sander, but it sure is a portrait of the love his family feels for him. (My heart just about explodes witnessing James as a father of three. He was made for this role.)

More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here

12/52

“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”

Sunny: So. Very. Jazzed. Egg hunting is thebombdotcom.
Kaki: James and I were slow to get out of bed on Easter Sunday, given nights with a newborn. Courtland stood impatiently at the top of our stairs, catching glimpses of eggs hidden at the bottom, chanting, “I want to hunt. I want to hunt” until we pulled ourselves from our bedroom and let the egg hunt commence.
Sander: Our littlest bunny on his first Easter. 

More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here

My Three Children

It’s the first holiday weekend without my mother, and we had had plans to be with her on Easter Sunday. Instead, we’re in VT, weathering mud season, and trying to be as low key and low expectations as possible to get me through the weekend. I had a visit from my oldest friend from childhood and her daughters on Friday, and then a visit from my mom’s best friend from childhood on Saturday. It was good, but hard, to be surrounded by people who knew her so well and loved her so much. She meant so much to so many, and while it is so lovely to be reminded of that, it is also so devastating to be reminded of how much we all lost.

The next two months are filled with milestones/holidays/birthdays that are going to be a doozy to confront. I’m trying to face them one at a time. Napping, sunshine, and laughter with my kids are some of the best antidotes (but I’ve got a team of medical professionals helping as well, because I can’t possibly take care of my children if I’m not taking care of myself).

Snuggles with Sander

Everyone wants in on the infant snugs.

We are clearly not enjoying this baby enough… our little grunty babe. He has the most ridiculous grunt that is unlike any noise his big sisters made as infants. And it is hysterical, and endearing, and so deep and low and ridiculous. Usually it comes when he is first waking up, or right before a monster poop. And it is unique to our Sander (at least in the Cart family).

Oh we are just so stupidly in love with this little one. All of us.

11/52

“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”

Sunny: We’ve got some expert, willing baby-handlers in our midst. Sunny truly cannot get enough of holding him.
Kaki: While Courtland doesn’t have the hours of longevity of her big sister, she is always so enthusiastic to snuggle and cuddle with her brother, too.
Sander: And he’s done a lot of this. Snoozing. Until about 9pm, when he is then awake until 2-3am. But then he gives us a good 4-5 hour stretch of sleep, so worth it? Maybe? In the grand scheme of life with a newborn, severe sleep deprivation is just part of the equation, so we’re rolling with it.

More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here

Sunny & Sander

The Double Big Sister doing what she does best, love her family. In this case, her baby brother. She is so unbelievably sweet with Sanderling. This video reminds me of her with newborn Courtland, when she was only 2! She truly delights in baby handling. On Friday, she didn’t have school, so she spent a hour letting Sander nap on her chest.

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Oh my heart.

Sander’s Hospital Stay

Here’s a peek at our hospital stay with Sander, the same L&D floor where I delivered Courtland. While the circumstances were far more challenging during this postpartum period, the staff rose to the occasion and treated our family with such thoughtful care and tenderness. I am endlessly grateful for the attention and kindness of the nurses during our stay, and my midwives, who carried me this past month in ways that I didn’t know were possible. Their deep commitment to me and this baby were palpable and I wish all women had access to that depth of care and experience. I feel very fortunate to be one of their patients.

^^My father gifted my mother that bead for her Pandora bracelet on Valentine’s Day morning, before our entire world changed forever only moments later. I wore it around my neck in the three weeks following her death, and during Sander’s birth, as it was the most recent thing her hands had touched and it felt comforting to keep her touch close during a time when I needed it the most.^^

10/52

“A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2016.”

Sunny: “I never want to stop holding him. He smells so good and I just love him so much.” And it’s true, she hasn’t wanted to put him down. She positively adores him. Not that we’re at all surprised.
Kaki: She loves to pick out his outfit for the day. She and Sunny meticulously lay out each piece in his bassinet, and eagerly help dress him when he’s awake. She is adapting so well to her role as Big Sister. While she’s still a busy four-year old, it’s amazing to see her tenderness with her little brother.
Sander: Such a sweet, mellow, snuggly little babe. He reminds me so much of Courtland as a newborn – with all those wrinkles and that grumpy old man face. But his personality is so similar to Sunny’s disposition at this stage. Relaxed, easy to sooth, peaceful. Such a gift given all that’s going on with me. He is such a gift.

More details about The 52 Project here. To view all the portraits in the series visit here

It’s been four weeks

They are living pieces of their beloved Momar. She’s been gone four weeks today, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop reaching for the phone to talk to her about her grandchildren. But these faces are carrying me. They keep my head turned forward when all I want to do is go screaming back in time.

She would have loved to see this moment.