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Category: Birthday Letter

120 Months

How to Lose Weight Fast on Metformin

Metformin, a widely prescribed medication for managing type 2 diabetes, has garnered attention for its potential to aid in weight loss. While its primary purpose is to regulate blood sugar levels, many individuals have experienced significant weight loss as a secondary benefit. In this article, we delve into the intricacies of using Metformin as a tool for shedding excess pounds effectively and safely.

Understanding Metformin and its Role in Weight Loss
Mechanism of Action
Metformin works by decreasing glucose production in the liver and improving insulin sensitivity in peripheral tissues. This dual action helps regulate blood sugar levels and, consequently, aids in weight management.

Effects on Metabolism
By targeting insulin resistance and reducing the absorption of glucose in the intestines, Metformin alters the body’s metabolism, promoting fat utilization for energy and leading to weight loss.

Metformin and Insulin Sensitivity
Impact on Insulin Resistance
Insulin resistance is a common issue among individuals with type 2 diabetes and those struggling with obesity. Metformin helps alleviate insulin resistance, making it easier for the body to respond to insulin and effectively utilize glucose.

Regulation of Blood Sugar Levels
Stable blood sugar levels are crucial for weight management. Metformin not only lowers fasting blood glucose levels but also helps prevent spikes and crashes, promoting a more balanced energy intake throughout the day.

Dietary Adjustments
Importance of a Balanced Diet
While Metformin can aid in weight loss, it’s essential to complement its effects with a healthy diet. Emphasize whole foods, lean proteins, fruits, vegetables, and complex carbohydrates while limiting processed foods, sugars, and refined carbohydrates.

Foods to Include and Avoid
Incorporate plenty of fiber-rich foods, such as legumes, whole grains, and leafy greens, which promote satiety and regulate blood sugar levels. Minimize consumption of sugary beverages, refined grains, and high-fat, calorie-dense foods more info ndtv.com.

Incorporating Exercise
Benefits of Exercise Alongside Metformin
Regular physical activity enhances the effects of Metformin on weight loss by increasing calorie expenditure, improving insulin sensitivity, and preserving lean muscle mass.

Recommended Workout Routines
A combination of aerobic exercise (such as walking, cycling, or swimming) and strength training (using weights or resistance bands) is ideal for maximizing weight loss while maintaining overall health.

Hydration and its Role
Importance of Staying Hydrated
Proper hydration is essential for overall well-being and can support weight loss efforts by promoting metabolic function, reducing appetite, and enhancing exercise performance.

Effects on Metabolism
Drinking an adequate amount of water throughout the day helps maintain metabolic rate and facilitates the breakdown and elimination of fats from the body.

Monitoring Progress
Tracking Weight Loss Journey
Keep a record of weight, measurements, dietary intake, and exercise routines to monitor progress effectively and make necessary adjustments along the way.

Adjustments as Needed
If weight loss plateaus or side effects arise, consult a healthcare professional to reassess the treatment plan and explore alternative strategies.

Potential Side Effects
Common Side Effects of Metformin
While generally well-tolerated, Metformin may cause gastrointestinal discomfort, such as nausea, diarrhea, or abdominal cramps, especially when starting the medication or increasing the dosage.

My Addison Weeks,
My Sun Bun,
My Lilac Baby,
My Lady Bug,
My Peanut,
My First Born,
My Sunny,

Today you are ten. 1-0! 10! You have been in the world one whole decade and that is simultaneously mind-boggling and totally and completely right.

I can picture you sighing and gently smiling as you read that sentence, as you have noted that that is the sentiment of all of my birthday letters to you: the onslaught of time juxtaposed by the sweetness of the present. Because, yes, you’ve now read this here blog, and all of the letters (Read here the other letters vpnbug). And that is what I dreamed you’d do. And here we are, a decade later, and the very words I wrote for you above all others are being processed and understood and read by your very eyes. It is a wonder to behold you grow into a person who can now relate to her mother in this way. I so adore this stage. I so adore you.

I think often about your entry into our lives, so immediately (simultaneously!) on the heels of our marriage. Of course you were with us over a decade ago as your daddy and I began our family atop that soggy mountain in front of all our family and friends. Of course you’ve been with us every step of the way. You have made this life more rich, more meaningful, and more, just so much more. We are endlessly grateful you began when you did, and have enlivened every element of our lives since. It is the rightest of right things that has ever happened to me. And it laid the groundwork for this now full and chaotic and wonderful household in which you live. I can’t imagine our family any other way. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

My wish for you is that you carry your kindness, your unwavering empathy, the gentleness of your spirit, your curiosity, your flexibility, and your immense heart with you into this next decade of your life. It has been the greatest pleasure nurturing these generous and beautiful parts of you – I hope you never lose sight of them. I hope you know that they are the parts of you that make us most proud. While you’ve made the daunting task of learning to parent (plight of life as a first born) a breeze with your smarts, your hard work, your dedication, your easy going nature – it is that caring heart of yours that makes us proudest of all. I hope you’ll always hold the world with compassion – and may it do likewise for you.

I will always be your biggest fan. I will always love you most of all.

Thank you for making me a mother a decade ago. Happiest 10th Birthday, my Sunny girl.
143 always
xo Mama

TEN – 2019

NINE – 2018

EIGHT – 2017

SEVEN – 2016

SIX – 2015

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FIVE – 2014

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FOUR – 2013

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THREE – 2012

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TWO – 2011

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ONE – 2010

BORN DAY – 2009

Two Months with Weathlery

The Allure of Gold Rolex Watches

Gold Rolex watches for men have long been a symbol of luxury and class. These timepieces are more than just accessories; they are a statement of success, style, and refinement. In this article, we will delve into the world of gold Rolex watches for men, exploring their history, design, and why they continue to be highly sought after. Whether you’re a seasoned collector or someone considering their first luxury watch purchase, this guide will provide you with the knowledge you need to make an informed decision.

The Allure of Gold Rolex Watches
When it comes to luxury timepieces, few brands can match the reputation of Rolex. The combination of exceptional craftsmanship, timeless design, and the use of high-quality materials, including gold, makes Rolex watches stand out. Let’s explore the allure of gold Rolex watches for men.

Unparalleled Craftsmanship
Rolex is synonymous with precision and craftsmanship. Each gold Rolex watch is meticulously handcrafted, ensuring that every detail is perfect. The intricate artistry that goes into creating these watches is a testament to the brand’s dedication to excellence.

Timeless Design
The design of a gold Rolex watch is classic and enduring. It effortlessly combines form and function, making it suitable for both formal and casual occasions. The iconic design elements, such as the Oyster case and Cyclops lens, have stood the test of time.

Exceptional Materials
Gold Rolex watches are made from the finest materials, including 18-carat gold. This not only adds to their luxurious appearance but also ensures their durability. The use of high-quality materials is a hallmark of Rolex’s commitment to providing long-lasting timepieces.

History of Gold Rolex Watches
To truly appreciate gold Rolex watches for men, it’s essential to understand their rich history. Rolex has been at the forefront of watchmaking for over a century.

Rolex introduced its first gold watch in 1928, marking the beginning of its legacy in crafting exquisite gold timepieces. Over the years, Rolex has continued to innovate and refine its designs, leading to the creation of iconic models like the Rolex Day-Date, Submariner, and GMT-Master, all available in stunning gold variations.

Rolex Day-Date: A Presidential Favorite
The Rolex Day-Date, often referred to as the “President’s watch,” has been worn by numerous world leaders and influential figures. It features a gold case, a date display, and a day indicator, making it not only a symbol of prestige but also a highly functional timepiece.

Rolex Submariner: A Diver’s Dream
The gold Rolex Submariner is a testament to the brand’s versatility. While initially designed for underwater exploration, it has become a symbol of luxury and adventure. Its gold version exudes elegance and is a favorite among collectors.

Rolex GMT-Master: A Timezone Icon
Favored by frequent travelers, the gold Rolex GMT-Master features a dual-time function. Its practicality, combined with the luxurious appeal of gold, makes it a top choice for those who appreciate functionality and style.

Gold Rolex Watches – A Wise Investment
Investing in a gold Rolex watch is not just about owning a luxurious timepiece; it’s also a smart financial decision. These watches have a proven track record of retaining and even increasing in value over time. Their limited production and enduring popularity make them highly sought after by collectors. Checking an Invest Diva review could provide further insights into the potential financial benefits of such an investment, helping you make informed decisions about allocating your resources.

Sweet mohawk baby in a cozy new footie courtesy of a college pal’s mama, a woman who was with me the last time I ever saw my mother in person. I love the sweet lavender color with the elegant flower print. And a quilt handmade in Bermuda and gifted from James’ aunt, Weathy-bee’s Great-Aunt Vail. The pattern is a bay grape, a classic Bermudian symbol. How fortunate she is to have received so many sweet gifts just for her. In a world of hand-me-downs, we are appreciative of a few fresh items for baby #4.

 

High-quality ingredients in pet Releaf edibles

Discover high-quality ingredients in Pet Releaf CBD edibles

You want nothing but the best. That’s why it’s essential to know what goes into the products you give them. With Pet Releaf CBD edibles, you can rest assured that your dog is receiving only the highest quality ingredients.

Carefully selected premium ingredients that make Pet Releaf stand out

Pet Releaf takes great pride in selecting only the finest ingredients for their CBD edibles. They understand that every ingredient plays a crucial role in your dog’s overall well-being. That’s why they go above and beyond to choose carefully and source premium components timesofisrael.

All-natural, human-grade ingredients for optimal health and well-being

Pet Releaf believes in using all-natural, human-grade ingredients to ensure your dog receives the best possible care. Their commitment to quality means incorporating only the finest components into their CBD edibles. From organic coconut oil to sustainably sourced salmon oil, each ingredient is chosen with your pet’s optimal health and well-being in mind.

Organic, non-GMO ingredients for a safe and beneficial product

Safety should always be a top priority. Pet Releaf understands this concern and has made it their mission to use organic, non-GMO ingredients exclusively. By prioritizing these high standards, they create products that are both safe and beneficial for dogs of all sizes and breeds.

Peace of mind knowing your dog’s health is prioritized

Selecting Pet Releaf CBD edibles means choosing peace of mind. With their commitment to using high-quality ingredients, you can trust that every bite of their delicious treats supports your pet’s well-being. You won’t have to worry about harmful additives or artificial substances—just wholesome goodness that nourishes your furry friend from the inside out.

A closer look at the main ingredients in Pet Releaf CBD edibles

Let’s take a closer look at some of the main ingredients you’ll find in Pet Releaf CBD edibles:

Full-spectrum hemp extract: This is the star ingredient in Pet Releaf products. Full-spectrum hemp extract contains a wide range of beneficial cannabinoids, terpenes, and flavonoids that work together to enhance the overall effectiveness of CBD. It provides a holistic approach to your dog’s wellness.

Organic coconut oil: Coconut oil is not only delicious but also offers numerous health benefits for dogs. It supports healthy digestion, promotes a shiny coat, and can even improve cognitive function. Plus, it adds a creamy texture to Pet Releaf edibles that dogs love.

Sustainably sourced salmon oil: Rich in omega-3 fatty acids, sustainably sourced salmon oil helps support joint health and promotes healthy skin and coat. It adds a delectable flavor to Pet Releaf treats while providing essential nutrients for your furry friend.

Peanut butter: Dogs go crazy for peanut butter, and Pet Releaf knows it! They use high-quality peanut butter made from roasted peanuts without any added sugars or artificial sweeteners. Peanut butter not only enhances the taste of their edibles but also provides protein and healthy fats.

Other considerations when choosing CBD products for your dog

While high-quality ingredients are crucial, there are other factors to consider when selecting CBD products for your dog:

Vet-approved: Always consult with your veterinarian before introducing any new supplements or medications into your pet’s routine. They can provide guidance on dosage and ensure compatibility with any existing health conditions or medications.

Product variety: Pet Releaf offers a wide range of CBD products beyond edibles. From tinctures to topicals, you can choose the format that best suits your dog’s preferences and needs.

Customer reviews: Take the time to read customer reviews and testimonials to get a sense of other pet owners’ experiences with Pet Releaf products. Their feedback can provide valuable insights into the quality and effectiveness of the ingredients used.

Nutritional Supplements as Adderall Alternatives

In addition to lifestyle changes, there are several nutritional supplements that may serve as alternatives to Adderall for managing ADHD symptoms. These supplements are available over-the-counter and can be used to support cognitive function and improve focus. However, it’s important to note that while these supplements have shown promise in some studies, they may not work for everyone. It’s always best to consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new supplement regimen.Learn about nutritional supplements that may alleviate ADHD symptomsThere are various dietary supplements and nootropics that have been suggested as potential alternatives to Adderall. These supplements aim to provide essential nutrients and support brain health, helping individuals with ADHD manage their symptoms more effectively. Some of the popular options include:Vyvamind: This is a nootropic supplement specifically formulated for individuals with ADHD. It contains a blend of vitamins, minerals, and herbal extracts that are believed to enhance cognitive function and focus.Creatine: Known primarily as a muscle-building supplement, creatine has also shown promise in improving cognitive performance. Research suggests that creatine supplementation may help boost working memory and attention in individuals with ADHD.Vitamin B6: This essential nutrient plays a crucial role in neurotransmitter synthesis and brain function. Studies have indicated that vitamin B6 supplementation can lead to improved behavior and reduced hyperactivity in children with ADHD.Discuss research supporting the use of specific supplementsWhile scientific research on the effectiveness of nutritional supplements for managing ADHD is still evolving, some studies have provided promising results. For example:A study published in the Journal of Child Neurology found that Vyvamind supplementation led to significant improvements in attention span, hyperactivity, impulsivity, and overall behavior in children with ADHD.In another study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychopharmacology, researchers observed that creatine supplementation improved working memory performance in young adults with ADHD.Research published in the Journal of Attention Disorders suggests that vitamin B6 supplementation may help reduce ADHD symptoms, particularly hyperactivity and impulsivity.It’s important to note that while these studies show potential benefits, more research is needed to establish the efficacy and safety of these supplements for managing ADHD symptoms.Understand potential risks and interactions with other medicationsBefore incorporating any nutritional supplement into your routine, it’s crucial to be aware of potential risks and interactions. While many dietary supplements are generally considered safe when taken as directed, they may still have side effects or interact with other medications. Some key considerations include:Allergies: It’s essential to check the ingredients of any supplement you plan to take and ensure you’re not allergic to any of them.Drug Interactions: Supplements can interact with prescription medications, potentially affecting their effectiveness or causing adverse reactions. Consult with a healthcare professional or pharmacist to determine if there are any known interactions between your current medications and the supplement you wish to take.Side Effects: Different supplements may have specific side effects. For instance, creatine supplementation has been associated with gastrointestinal discomfort in some individuals.Consult with a healthcare professional from rehabnear.me before starting any supplementsWhile nutritional supplements can be a promising alternative for managing ADHD symptoms without medication, it’s crucial to consult with a healthcare professional before incorporating them into your routine. They can provide personalized guidance based on your individual needs and medical history. They can help monitor your progress and make adjustments as necessary.Remember that every individual is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. It’s essential to approach alternative treatments like nutritional supplements with an open mind but also exercise caution by seeking expert advice.

Welcome, Weatherly

FTC Disclosure: I get commissions for purchases made through links in this post. 

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Hi, Mom,

Finding CBD Gummies Near You

When it comes to purchasing CBD gummies, finding them locally can be advantageous for several reasons. Firstly, buying from nearby stores allows you to inspect the product in person, ensuring its quality and freshness. Additionally, purchasing locally supports your community and reduces the environmental impact associated with shipping. But how can you find CBD gummies near you?

Factors to Consider When Buying CBD Gummies

Before purchasing CBD gummies, it’s essential to consider several factors to ensure you’re getting a high-quality product that meets your needs. One of the most crucial factors is the CBD content and potency of best cbd gummies.

Popular Places to Find CBD Gummies

CBD gummies can be found in various locations, catering to different preferences and needs. Local dispensaries are often the go-to option for those seeking a wide selection of CBD products, including gummies. These establishments typically employ knowledgeable staff who can provide guidance on dosage and usage.

Tips for Purchasing Quality CBD Gummies

With the increasing popularity of CBD products, it’s essential to know how to identify high-quality CBD gummies to ensure you’re getting the most out of your purchase. Here are some tips for purchasing quality CBD gummies

Today, your fourth grandchild is 8 weeks old. She is darling and sweet, as all new life is, and you’d be positively obsessed with her. She has that signature Ulmer/Cart baby wild hair. It’s as though we stick her finger in an electrical outlet each evening, but a bath is all she needs to really bring those locks to life. She reminds me so very much of infant Courtland, but with a tad less screaming (though she does like to work herself up at night for a good wail before bed). On a different topic, here you can learn about the benefits of reaching HR productivity.

As I’ve done with all your grandchildren, I designed and mailed hardcopy birth announcements to formally share the news of her arrival. I remember how you insisted with Sunny, and we sat together picking out her design at my home in LA. Little did I know how precious that four weeks we spent together with baby Sunny would be. How I long to share that kind of time and intimacy with you and baby Weatherly. So I designed the invite alone, but with you top of mind. As I do for all my stationery needs, I turned to Minted and found this baby shower invitation that I redesigned to be a unique birth announcement. Since Weatherly’s name was inspired by the name of an America’s Cup yacht, the design needed to have a sailboat in it. And the addition of the elephant was a full circle nod to the design we selected for Sunny nine years ago together.

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I had the announcement framed, and it now hangs in her nursery (also something you insisted we do, and I can remember the little frame shop down the road from our home in Palos Verdes where we picked out the frame together for Sunny’s.) Even more notable is the gorgeous baby book gifted by the family of our long time babysitter, Sophie, who you met on several occasions. Her parents gifted us this stunning baby book (a LA-based company to boot), and I’ve spent time filling it with stories and photos and memorabilia as I did for my first-born. How surprising that baby #4 is going to have such detailed documentation of her babyhood, but it was just the nudge I needed. A copy of the announcement is of course tucked in its pages!

It’s painful, of course, that you don’t get to experience all these things firsthand. But the pain is eased slightly in the knowledge of how much you’d enjoy and love all these gestures.

We miss you, mama. But this babe, and so much of her life, is influenced by how much you mean to us all.

143 Your Ashley

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One Month with Weatherly

How to Use Ozempic for Weight Loss: A Step-by-Step Guide

Are you looking to shed those extra pounds and embark on a journey towards better health? Ozempic may just be the solution you’ve been seeking. In this in-depth guide, we’ll explore how to use Ozempic for weight loss effectively, sharing expert tips, personal insights, and frequently asked questions. Get ready to take the first step towards a healthier you.

Introduction
Weight loss is a common goal for many, and finding the right path to achieve it can be challenging. Ozempic is a medication that has gained popularity for its potential to aid in weight loss. However, using Ozempic for weight loss requires a strategic approach, and that’s what we’re here to help you with. In this article, we’ll delve into the nuances of how to use Ozempic for weight loss effectively. So, let’s get started.

How to Use Ozempic for Weight Loss
Starting Your Ozempic Journey
Your journey to weight loss with Ozempic begins with consulting a healthcare professional. It’s crucial to discuss your weight loss goals, medical history, and any existing conditions. Your doctor will determine if Ozempic is suitable for you and provide the appropriate prescription.

Proper Dosage
Once you have your prescription, it’s essential to follow your doctor’s instructions regarding the dosage. Ozempic is typically injected once a week. Make sure you administer it at the same time each week to maintain consistency.

Lifestyle Modifications
Ozempic is not a magic solution; it works best when combined with a healthy lifestyle. Focus on a balanced diet and regular exercise. Incorporating these habits will maximize your weight loss efforts.

Monitoring Progress
Regularly monitor your weight and overall health during your Ozempic journey. Share your progress with your healthcare provider, as they can make necessary adjustments to your treatment plan.

Managing Side Effects
Like any medication, Ozempic may have side effects. Common ones include nausea and diarrhea. It’s essential to discuss these with your doctor and follow their guidance on managing side effects.

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August 23, 2018: Knit ballerina blankie courtesy of my mom’s elementary school bestie. Vintage bubblesuit courtesy of my Fairy Godmother.

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July 23, 2018

Rolex Replica Watches: Unveiling the World of Affordable Luxury

In the realm of luxury watches, Rolex stands as a symbol of timeless elegance and prestige. However, not everyone can afford the hefty price tag that accompanies an authentic Rolex timepiece. This is where Rolex replica watches come into play, offering a more accessible alternative without compromising on style or quality.

Quality of Rolex Replica Watches
Crafted with meticulous attention to detail, Rolex replica watches strive to emulate the luxurious look and feel of their authentic counterparts. Utilizing high-quality materials and skilled craftsmanship, these replicas often closely resemble the original designs.

Affordability and Accessibility
One of the primary draws of Rolex replica watches is their affordability in comparison to genuine Rolex timepieces. While an authentic Rolex can cost thousands or even tens of thousands of dollars, replicas are available at a fraction of the price, making luxury more attainable for a broader audience. Additionally, the widespread availability of Rolex replicas online further enhances their accessibility.

Legal and Ethical Considerations
Despite their popularity, Rolex replica watches raise legal and ethical concerns regarding intellectual property rights and consumer awareness. Buyers should exercise caution when purchasing replicas and be mindful of the potential legal implications.

How to Spot a Quality Replica
Distinguishing between a high-quality Rolex replica and a subpar imitation requires careful examination. Attention to detail, such as the precision of the craftsmanship and the accuracy of the branding, can help identify a quality replica.

Reasons People Choose Rolex Replicas
From making a style statement to seeking an investment piece, there are various reasons why individuals opt for Rolex replicas over authentic watches. Whether for personal enjoyment or as a status symbol, replicas offer a compelling alternative for watch enthusiasts.

Cultural Impact
Rolex replica watches have permeated popular culture, influencing fashion trends and shaping perceptions of luxury. Their presence in media and entertainment further solidifies their status as coveted accessories.

The Debate: Authentic vs. Replica
The debate between authentic Rolex watches and replicas continues to spark discussion among watch aficionados. While authentic Rolex watches boast undeniable prestige, replicas offer a more accessible option without sacrificing aesthetic appeal.

Rolex Replicas in Popular Culture
From Hollywood celebrities to social media influencers, Rolex replica watches have garnered attention from prominent figures across various industries. Their inclusion in popular culture further reinforces their allure.

Sustainability and Environmental Impact
In light of growing environmental concerns, the sustainability of manufacturing practices associated with Rolex replicas warrants examination. As consumers become increasingly conscious of their purchasing decisions, the environmental impact of replica watches comes under scrutiny.

Consumer Awareness and Education
Empowering consumers with knowledge about the differences between authentic Rolex watches and replicas is crucial for making informed purchasing decisions. Educational resources and guidelines can help buyers navigate the complexities of the luxury watch market.

Counterfeit Market Challenges
The proliferation of counterfeit Rolex watches poses challenges for both consumers and luxury brands. Efforts to combat counterfeiters and protect intellectual property rights remain ongoing endeavors within the industry.

The birth of your fourth grandchild was not as I’d anticipated it would be. I know, I know, one should never set expectations surrounding anything birth related, but despite knowing this from firsthand experience, I couldn’t help myself. This was my fourth kid! Surely it would be quick and smooth and badass like Courtland’s. Surely it would come on strong and progress consistently. Surely that baby would arrive within hours of the start of labor. SURELY!

Alas, I was wrong. And as with all my labors, I doubted and obsessed and felt frustrated with my body lingering in early labor. The only constant of all my labors has been an early morning start that builds throughout the day. Sunny’s took nearly 36 hours, and then Courtland’s was steady and empowering and was under 18 hours, and Sander’s, while longer than Courtland’s was still less than 20. And then baby #4, I swore it’d be fast – isn’t that what everyone says about subsequent babes? Well, not the case for this mama.

I awoke early Sunday morning (July 22nd) around 2am to a contraction that was clearly strong enough to pull me from sleep. It felt more distinct and powerful than any of the Braxton Hicks business I’d been feeling for weeks leading up to this moment. I didn’t think too much of it, and fell back asleep. Fifteen or so minutes later, I was once again disturbed by that very specific kind of constricting and squeezing that felt so familiar to previous labors. This continued on, every 15 minutes or so, until about 5am when I woke James to alert him that I might… I think… I probably was… in labor? Or the early stages of it at least.

I texted dad and Kimmy, because Sunday on Cape Cod. I worried that trying to get them off the Cape and out to the Berkshires for the arrival of this baby who was surely going to be here before NOON was going to be tough given summer traffic. They began the trip west, and I got up, showered, shaved (because who knew when I’d get a chance to do that if baby really was on the brink of arrival!) and continued to feel the wave of contractions every 10-15 minutes. They weren’t strong enough to be debilitating or require my full attention, but I was acutely aware of them, and acutely annoyed that they didn’t seem to be getting closer together or any stronger.

Sander and Courtland awoke and we did our usual Sunday morning breakfast routine. Sunny was at a friend’s house for a sleepover, and I texted the parents to ask if she could stay there the morning given that I wasn’t sure how things were going to play out.

I then decided to try to lie down and rest since I’d been awake since 2 and things didn’t seem to be ramping up. I think I managed to sleep in between contractions for a bit while the kids watched cartoons downstairs with James. It was a rainy, humid, grey day. Perfect for napping and cartoon watching. Out of no where, however, I started to feel incredibly anxious. I was jittery and overcome with chills and needed to get up and move. I paced around the house and had such an intense nervous energy about me. I couldn’t stand still and walked in circles around our downstairs, obsessively folding towels that weren’t folded just right, and peeling a banana unnecessarily for Sander. I called my midwife and said that this energy-shift was eerily reminiscent of transition with Courtland, except without any of the screaming pain. Could I be that far along and just not be in that much pain? I mean, fourth kid, so totally. Right?

She suggested I come to the hospital because, “You can’t check your own cervix my dear!” and it sounded like I needed some reassurance of what exactly was going on with my body and babe.

I texted a friend to come over and hang with the kids because it was still a few hours before dad and Kimmy would arrive. Upon her arrival, James and I loaded into the car and made the drive north. Contractions were still happening, but again, they weren’t debilitating or all-consuming and they were still so dang far apart. I doubted. I cursed. I bemoaned this weird purgatory that my body seemed to revel in for all of my labors. Was I crazy? Was I perhaps NOT in labor? What the fuck was going on? And why on earth was I so confused when I’d done this shit three times before?

At the hospital, the nurse checked me and after a very uncomfortable pelvic examine, with her hands still fumbling inside me, she declared, “Well, I can’t even find your cervix.” Not words you want to hear when you suspect you’re in labor. She couldn’t even tell me how far along I was (or wasn’t) because she couldn’t reach my dang cervix. At my midwife’s suggestion, we headed home to rest and see if things would pick up in the comfort of our own space. “No need to be trapped in this room for hours if not days. Hydrate. Rest. Relax.”

I felt so so silly. Here I was, pregnant with my fourth child, being sent home from the hospital because I had misunderstood the signals from my body. Friends texted reassuring words. I wasn’t silly and shouldn’t be embarrassed, but man, despite their kind words, I still felt pretty down.

Shortly after our return to the house, Sunny was dropped home and dad and Kimmy and her chocolate hippo puppy Yanmar arrived. The rain cleared, and it proved to be a humid, sticky, sunny day. Sander played nude outside with the hose, delighting in Gladden and Yanmar’s antics. Dad took the girls to the movies. James and I lay down to rest, and during all of this, I’d still feel those contractions, every 10-15 minutes, never so strong I needed support, but so distinctly present.

As the day wore on, doula/friend Libbie and FGM Geraldine texted and checked in. G suggested that we get together to cool off in the local community pool and have dinner at their place to keep me distracted and out of my head. We went for a much-needed swim, and then enjoyed a big family dinner. It was indeed the perfect distraction. I noticed that the contractions were gradually getting more intense, as I was finding I was stopping to sway and bend at the waist when they’d happen. But still, only 10-15 minutes apart. And I was still managing them without support. After dinner, Kimmy, Sunny and I opted to walk home, and that movement definitely urged the contractions along.

We wrangled the kids into bed, and after everyone was settled, I suggested that James and I go for another walk. Despite some rain showers, we ventured out on to the campus where we’d met nearly 15 years prior. It was so cheesily apt that he and I spend some time that evening, on the brink of welcoming our fourth and final child, strolling past the building where we’d met and reflecting on those early years of our relationship and everything it had brought us. We even bore witness to two college kids making out in plan sight through the windows of one of those dorm rooms. As I rocked and swayed through a contraction, James hollered, “Careful, or this may be your fate!” in the general direction of the blissfully unaware pair.

The walking definitely kept the contractions coming, and by the time we arrived home, I was asking James to help press on my hips to ease my back pain during each one. I was rolling and bouncing and laying over a yoga ball, and we settled in to some marathon episodes of ‘Queer Eye.” As the night wore on, things intensified, though again, the timing remained very spaced apart. I thought about waking up Kimmy or calling Libbie or G to come support, but there was something special, intimate, and safe about me and James, in the quiet of our living room, managing this together without distraction. And I still wasn’t convinced that this was “it.” I even tried to lie down and sleep but the contractions were just too intense to conceivably rest. Finally at 3:30am, after a contraction that brought me to tears, I cried Uncle. I called my midwife and sobbed, “I just need to sleep. I’ve been awake for over 24 hours, and I can tell that I’m still no where near ready to deliver this baby, but I need some sleep! And these contractions just won’t pick up, but they won’t quit either!”

She agreed, and said it was time to come back to the hospital.

“See, you ARE in labor. And if you’re under three centimeters, you’re going to take a much needed morphine nap. And if you’re over 3, well, we can talk about what options you want to consider because I know you’re exhausted. But let’s first get a handle on that cervix.”

Assuming of course that they could fucking find it this time!

We left in the dark and pouring rain, arriving at the hospital a little before 4am. I noticed that the contractions had become increasingly closer since the trip to Vermont, and while they weren’t as long as they’d been at home, they were coming more rapidly. The nurse checked me and determined I was at 4 centimeters (the correct number is 10. Always 10!). I knew exactly what I needed and wanted. This labor was reminiscent of Sunny’s, except I am now almost a decade older. I was not up for soldiering through the remaining 6cm without support. I wanted the epidural, STAT!

Unfortunately, epidurals don’t happen STAT. I needed to get a bag of fluids in me and wait for the anesthesiologist. As I waited with the IV pole in hand, labor started to really pick up. At this point, I was worried it might be too late for the epidural, that I’d be in too much pain or having contractions too frequently. The nurse, my midwife and James supported me through that 90 minutes until I was able to final get some relief.

The epidural went in around 6am and the midwife said she’d be back to check me at 8am. In the two hours of hard labor I did between arrival at hospital and waiting for anesthesiologist, I had progressed to 5cm. ONE MEASLY CENTIMETER! Curses. I figured it wouldn’t be until the afternoon that we’d hit the magic 10. The midwife Kim, one of two in the practice I see, even bemoaned that she would once again miss the opportunity to attend a Cart baby delivery. She was off at 9am, and her partner Amy (who attended Courtland and Sanderling’s birth) would tag in.

I had some anxiety settling in to the epidural because of what had happened during Sander’s labor, but I was in a much more stable and strong emotional place now two and a half years after your death. The reality of having this baby started to sink in as I was given a break from the pain, and that also fueled some of the nervous energy I was experiencing. Fortunately, this epidural was much more evenly distributed in my body and while my legs were tingly, I could still move them, albeit clumsily.

I really wanted to sleep, but anytime I turned on my side, the monitors would lose the baby’s heartbeat. Despite valiant efforts from the nursing staff, we just couldn’t get a steady read on babe’s heart anywhere but with me lying on my back. While I wasn’t “fluffy,” a term the nurses kept using, I apparently was fluffy enough that the fetal heart rate monitors were going to be finicky. So I lay on my back uncomfortably while James snoozed in the chair beside me.

During those two hours, I did my best to relax, breath, rest and really take in that large and expansive belly, acutely aware that these were the last moments I’d ever carry and bring life into the world. I sucked on a grape popsicle and intentionally focused on the quiet, peaceful energy of that moment, just me and my baby, working together. While I was no longer in pain, I could feel my body working. I knew when I was contracting, I felt the pressure and energy. I rubbed my belly as baby moved and swirled beneath my hand and whispered to myself, “I can do this. We can do this.”

I thought about you, mom, and allowed myself to feel the great sadness of once again having to welcome one of your grandchildren without you. It is so fucking unfair. I will never stop feeling that hurt. But I also channeled your strength and love. I knew that you had done this for me, and I would have that energy with me as I did it for my own child.

For a brief moment, I wondered if it might be possible that I could be ready to deliver by my next check at 8am. I felt the pressure shifting in my body, and it suggested that we were getting closer to meeting this baby. But I didn’t want to get my hopes up, so I pushed that thought aside. No need to set myself up for disappointment.

Despite this fleeting thought, I was admittedly floored when my midwife walked in at 8:20, checked me and said, “Shall we have a baby?”

Shocked but elated, I laughed and said, “Hell yeah! And see, you DO get to catch a Cart baby.”

James furiously texted my sister, as Sunny had so desperately wanted to be present for the birth, but I knew that there was no way they were going to make it. That fifteen minute drive had nothing on my desire to meet this little one.

Kim zoomed out of the room to change out of her street clothes, and she arrived back at 8:24am. During my first contraction with her back in the room, she gently coached me through my first push and I heard one of the nurses exclaim, “Wow, she’s clearly done this before. That baby is coming right out.”

Three pushes and 90 seconds later, sweet Weatherly was earth side. It was fast yet peaceful, quick and empowering and as Kim handed me my baby, I was immediately reminded of what Courtland looked like at her birth. She was so very like her big sister. James and I didn’t know the sex of the baby, and the umbilical cord was between her legs so it took a moment for me to move it out of the way. I have to admit, I was shocked to behold a vagina. So many people had predicted it would be a boy, I think I’d really internalized the idea of having two girls and two boys. I was truly, genuinely, utterly surprised and thrilled when I looked down and exclaimed, “Oh my god! It’s a girl! We have another daughter!”

While the labor was longer than I’d hoped, I couldn’t have asked for a more empowering conclusion to my own childbearing journey. Her delivery was truly awe-some. I will never forget the power I felt in that minute. I knew I would bring her into the world with confidence, and there she was, on my chest, screaming that epic newborn scream, so fresh and new and perfect and alive and ours.

Every birth was so distinct and taught me so much about myself. I am grateful for each and every one. What a gift to have made and carried and welcomed these lives.

Like a shooting star, baby Cart #4 entered our world and completed our family, reminding me of love’s infinite capacity.

Weatherly Elizabeth, we are so very glad you’re ours.

How you would just adore her, mom.
143 Your Ashley

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March 7, 2016

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I. One year ago today, labor began in earnest. After three weeks of false starts and grief induced contractions, an ugly fall on some ice followed by a day spent monitored in L&D, contractions finally began to come regularly and powerfully. It was time to welcome this new life as I grappled with the loss of one of my most dear.

I remember a day at home, worrying and laboring in the quiet of my bedroom, the place that had become my sanctuary during the scariest moments of my grief. I watched “Song of the Sea” with my girls, rocking and breathing on a yoga ball. The mother whispers to her child, “Remember me in your stories and in your songs. Know that I will always love you, always.” Tears streamed down my face in recognition.

The house was full of anticipation and yearning. My father’s watchful eye. The strong, assertive kicks from within. We all craved the arrival of this baby as a distraction, a celebration, a reminder of joy. And yet, his very arrival signaled the fierce reality of time plowing relentlessly ahead. While a part of my heart is forever trapped in February 14, 2016, this baby would not allow me to wholly stay stuck.

James and I departed for the hospital earlier than we would have under normal circumstances. But my world was upside down and nothing felt normal. How could I welcome my child into a world without my mother? So we headed for the security and comfort of my midwives who were an integral piece of my survival team during that hideous three week purgatory. I needed their presence and reassurance. I could do this, even without my mother. I could do this. I would do this.

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II. After my mother’s death, I spoke at length with my midwives and James about how we were going to get me through labor and delivery.

The deepest, darkest, hardest moments of my grief were akin to the deepest, darkest, hardest moments of labor. That visceral, uncontrollable pain I’d only ever experienced while giving life and letting life go. It was terrifying and utterly breathtaking in its magnitude. I worried about how I would manage in the face of the two slamming together at the height of labor.

We decided that an epidural upon arrival at the hospital would allow me to not be so focused on the physical pain. I could have as many friends and family and caregivers in the room with me as I needed to help distract from the emotional pain as I dilated to baby’s arrival. While I’d always been anxious about the thought of a needle in my spin, I agreed that given the circumstances, this was the best plan.

And so, shortly upon admission to L&D, the chief of anesthesiology administered the epidural.

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III. My right side went numb quickly. I lay on my left to try to help the medicine distribute more evenly throughout both sides of my body. I did not like feeling so disembodied, so disconnected from what was happening inside me.

My doula and James tried to get me to focus on my breathing. I was okay. The numbness and tingling were normal.

We waited for my sister and dear friend to arrive.

It was 7pm. I was dilated to 4. My cervix had some work to do.

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IV. I kept waving my arms in the air like a fool to reassure myself that I was indeed still connected and in control of my body. My right arm was feeling numb and that made me feel frantic and worried that something was not right.

Everyone reassured me that I was okay. I was doing great. So I threw my arms in the air and willed myself to believe them.

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V. Kimmy arrived. She told me the girls were happily sleeping and my dad was curled up with his phone by his side.

Somehow the Universe would align such that she would be present for the birth of all three of my children.

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VI. I told Kimmy that I did not like the epidural. Why was my whole body so numb and tingly? I was feeling scared.

The nurses checked everything. My vitals were normal. Baby’s vitals were normal. I was progressing well. We were doing great.

Breath, Ashley, breath.

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VII. Kimmy, James and my doula settled into chairs across from me. We talked quietly as the sound of baby’s heartbeat pulsed in the background.

It had been two hours since I’d received the epidural, and I had dilated to 6. Things were moving along. Everyone was assembled.

I suddenly felt horribly nauseous and lightheaded. I called James over to my side.

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VIII. I came to with the strong, urgent words of my midwife echoing in the room. “Ashley, I need you to talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.” There was a sea of faces around me. James and Kimmy clutching my hand. An oxygen mask on my face. The stench of vomit in the air. My midwife’s hands inside of me. And nurses scurrying about.

I have absolutely no memory of the two minutes prior to that moment. As James relayed the story later, I had gone unconscious shortly after calling him over, and seized and vomited. My midwife had come flying in the room assuming I had dilated to 10 and baby’s imminent arrival had caused me to faint. I was still at 6cm, and despite passing out, baby’s vitals had stayed steady during the whole episode.
I was in a panic. How could I have no memory of what had just happened? How had my sister handled that moment on the heels of my mother’s sudden death? Why had it happened?

I wanted the baby out. I did not want to die. I hated the epidural. I wanted my mother. Everything felt completely out of control and overwhelming.

As I whispered over and over, “I don’t want to die. I just want my mom. I don’t want to die like her,” the nurses cleaned me up and tried to get me to relax and breath into the oxygen mask.

The anesthesiologist returned and was not happy that this had happened. He either wanted the baby out or the epidural off. He couldn’t explain what had just happened so thought it best to stop it.

And this is where I applaud and champion midwife care because Amy, my midwife who had held me every single day of my grief, coaching me to this very moment, stood by my side and said to the anesthesiologist and me, “Ashley has had a lot going on. She just needed to check out for a moment. I will be by her side every moment for the rest of this labor, and if it happens again, baby comes out and epidural is done. But I think her mind just needed a break. She’s back. And baby is doing awesome.” And with that, the anesthesiologist left. And I got my very numb feet back under me.

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IX. Turns out, a panic attack can do quite a number on a person in the throes of labor and grief.

I’m so grateful I had a skilled, experienced ally and advocate by my side caring for me and my baby in that moment. I am forever indebted for the thoughtful, informed, sensitive care that I received from my midwives during that three weeks and the weeks following. I could not overstate their import.

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X. Only minutes after that episode, I’m smiling. I can’t believe I was smiling, but this is where my gratitude for my amazing friend and talented photographer Kate comes into play. Her images of that evening and these moments are a concrete reminder of my own strength and the resilience of the human spirit.

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XI. And with the arrival of my dear friend Geraldine, the last of my birth team had arrived. And with that scary moment behind me, and my anxiety subsiding, we settled in for the final hours of waiting.

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XII. This is love. This is support. This is how you keep going.

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XIII. This is where hashtagsquadgoals feels appropriate. These humans, these unbelievable humans, who held me in my grief and laughed with me in my joy, they are who dragged me through that purgatory and out the other side. They are my family.

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XIV. Since I didn’t like the continued numbness from the epidural, there was a rotating crew of “feet rockers” whose job it was to simply keep their leg pressed against the bottom of my foot and allow me to rock them back and forth. It was grounding. And comforting. And kept me connected to my body and that moment to avoid further anxiety or panic.

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XV. Interestingly, despite not feeling any pain from the contractions, I instinctively lifted the oxygen mask to my face any time I was experiencing one. I wouldn’t know it at the time, but then the monitors would confirm that I was indeed mid-contraction. So while I was less connected to what was happening inside my body than I was for my previous two births, this was a small reminder that I was still very much present with my body and baby.

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XVI. For a few hours, I was able to settle in to the scene I’d imagined when I thought about this baby’s birth. Talking. Laughing. Contentedly anticipating the arrival of my child with those I love.

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XVII. And then, shortly after 1am, I hit 10cm. With three strong, determined pushes, I brought my son in to the world.

He pooped on arrival, so we were both coated in a sticky, black goo.

He arrived sunny side up, like his eldest sister, and so made a squished face appearance to those present.

James announced he was a boy, and with that he was placed on my chest.

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XVIII. Hello, sweet baby. Welcome, Sanderling.

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XIX. I cannot adequately capture the range of emotions I experienced in those first moments with this boy. The relief. The gratitude. The love. The sorrow. The joy. The beauty. The exhaustion. The exultation.

He brought a part of me back to myself.

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XX. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispered, “and I know she is too.”

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XXI. The “I fucking did it” face

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XXII. “He has mom’s nose.”

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XXIII. Team Sanderling.

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XXIV. And like that, we were parents of three.

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XXV. Father and son.

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XXVI. Meconium toes. Strawberry blonde hair. 9lbs of squish.

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XXVII. Born March 7, 2016 at 1:11am. 9lbs 1oz. 20 inches long.

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XXVIII. Healthy. Safe. Here. That is all I had been wanting. It was all I needed in that moment. My anchor in the storm.

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XXIX. “He is exactly the poem I wanted to write.” Happy Birth Day, my sweet boy. We are so glad you’re here.

I

Hi, Mom.

Your grandson is seven months old as of last Friday, and he is all sweetness. I wish you could see how much I absolutely adore this boy of mine. He is such light. Such joy. You’d be so enchanted with him. I can picture you crooning, “Oh you beguiling little thing,” as he’d gaze at you with those big blue eyes, downy chick blonde hair and opened mouthed grin.

Just yesterday, he learned to clap. He is one of the happiest, smiliest babes I’ve ever encountered, and his face positively exploded with joy when he figured out how to repeatedly slap palm to palm as his sisters sang round after round of “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!”

Boy did he know it!

He’s going through some serious sleep regression thanks to runny noses, and coughs, and teething, and a deep interest in being vertical. I know you’d stress and worry that he is showing absolutely zero interest in crawling. Tummy time elicits screams of protest from an otherwise carefree babe, whereas he will stand for what feels like hours with utter pride and delight on his feet. Stick a mirror in front of him, and he could entertain himself all day. The bouncer is a huge hit as a result. His daycare teachers say that he is giving their arms quite a workout, as he so prefers to be held standing upright than down on his tummy. I’m not too concerned about the lack of crawling, but I can picture you worrying this fact over and over with me on the phone. “It’s important they crawl first! It’s a critical developmental milestone!”

As I navigate life on only two-three hour blocks of sleep before interruption, I wish I could call you to commiserate. You were always so good about letting me bitch and moan and whine, and pepping me up to take on another day. I’ll never forget sitting in a pool of tears in my bathroom in LA, while Addison screamed in my arms, with you, on the other end of the line, gently reminding me, “It feels like forever, sweetie. But it’s not. This will only last a short while. You can do it. You’re a wonderful mother.”

When I find myself at my wits end at three o’clock in the morning with a fussy baby in my arms, I call those words to mind, the gentleness and wisdom of your voice, and it helps me find calm.

“This will only last a short while.”

How painfully true.

You would be so taken with this boy. And while writing to you will never be sufficient, I’ve realized it brings to mind what is most pressing, most true, most salient because what comes flooding out of me is what I so wish I could share with you. Moments like the splendor of learning to clap.

You’d have been so proud of him, too.

143 Your Ashley

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Sanderling // Six Months

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Darling Boy,

Today is your half birthday, and you have fully transitioned from infant to baby. You are moving and grooving and eating and sitting and fighting sleep and grabbing and rolling and rocking like a kid that’s got six months of life under his belt.

You’ve started daycare, and, no surprise, social creature that you are, your transition has been smooth and delightful. You beam for your teachers and friends, and while you’re the youngest in your classroom by over three months, you’re by far the biggest (running theme for the Cart kids). Nothing brings you greater joy than sitting at the kid table eating food. SOLID FOOD! You freaking love food. It didn’t take long for you to get a handle on being spoon fed, and everything to which you’ve been introduced has been met with great enthusiasm. You literally quake with joy when you see the bag of frozen mango come out of the freezer. You kick and squirm and squawk and do this little head wiggle to show your delight that it’s meal time. While your sleep has been rocky ever since returning from Bermuda, I’m holding out hope that it’s a result of so much change (new house, start of daycare, solid food, sitting up on your own, etc.), and that as you fall into a nap routine at daycare, sleep at home will follow suit. And in the meantime, we’re… surviving. (Sleep deprivation sucks so hard, please remember how to sleep 10 consecutive hours again, soon. PLEASE!)

Your personality is revealing itself by the day, and I’m struck by your very notable “coo” that you do when nursing or when you’re just waking or winding down from the day. It reminds me of the noise the polar bears in “Balto” (the 1995 animated movie about a sled dog, ha! Throwback!) make when they talk to one another. No one but your Auntie Kimmy will understand that reference, but man, it is so unbelievably sweet and affectionate. You also love to grab the back of my neck or hair with both fists and violently tug your your mouth to my face and “nurse” lovingly on my chin. While it is a wee bit aggressive and hicky-inducing (you are far stronger and capable of causing discomfort than you realize), it is your way of greeting me when we’ve been apart or when you’re feeling particularly needy. Your teachers call it your kiss – which is a very kind way of characterizing the behavior. But I find it endearing nonetheless, because it seems to be a behavior predominately reserved for me.

Over our anniversary dinner last night, your daddy and I were reflecting on just how truly enamored of you we are. We realize that we are experiencing your babyhood with a more mature lens, and it’s clear that we’re able to appreciate and enjoy and relish all of your developments, milestones, and everyday moments more deeply because the girls are a living demonstration of just how quickly the stages fly by. (Worth noting, your sisters are still positively obsessed with you and constantly overwhelm you with love and attention – but most of the time, you don’t seem to mind in the least! In fact, they still elicit the most righteous giggles from you).

I love you, sweet boy. And I am endlessly grateful that you are my son, and that I get the privilege of being your mom. Our family wouldn’t be complete without you. Happy Half Birthday!

143 Mama

Sanderling // Four Months

My darling Kewpie Doll,

This letter comes nearly a week past your Four Month Birth Day, and that’s kind of a metaphor for life as the third child. While I’m doing my best to keep up with marking and noting your milestones, it’s admittedly far less frequent and detailed as it was for your sisters, particularly your oldest sister. But rather than feel guilty about this, I find myself far more present in your babyhood than I ever was with your siblings. It’s perspective and wisdom that have taught me to slow down, enjoy, and just be in the moment with you. Because it moves far too quickly, and if I don’t stop and take in that delicious baby smell, or the comfort of that soft, fuzzy peach head, or the way you gaze up at me with those insanely blue eyes and greet me with those big, open-mouthed, drooly grins, it’ll be gone before I blink.

You’ve gone from being a grunty, wrinkly, cross-eyed infant, to a strong, social, busy baby. You grab with such intensity, often causing your female house mates to lament the epic fistfuls of hair that find their way into your grasp. You roll from tummy to back and back to front, and hold your head with such steadiness for a babe of your age. You arch and kick and flap and it’s clear that you are one adept and strong little one (little is relative, given that you are off the charts for height, but that’s no surprise given your genetic history). Which makes you all the more capable of handling the onslaught of hugs and squeezes and cuddles from your well-intentioned but overly-enthusiastic second sister. Both of your sisters love you so much, and they often quell your cries far faster than mommy or daddy. They coo and smile and sing and dangle toys and find as much joy in you as you so clearly find in them. It is so deeply meaningful for me to witness your connection and bond to one another, and my only wish is that you all continue to bring comfort and happiness to each other throughout your lives.

We took you on our first road trip as a family of five this past week. We visited friends at their lake houses in Vermont and New Hampshire, and then capped off the trip with a stop along the Maine Coast to meet your great-grandfather. While we’ve hit a bump in sleep thanks to the unwelcome four month sleep regression, you were amazingly adaptable as we dragged you from house to house. You road on boats so your sisters could go tubing or your daddy could go canoeing. You saw your first fireworks. You delighted everyone with your raspberries and giggles.  You’re like a cartoon character, your face is so very expressive like your dad’s. And it never ceases to amuse and bring smiles, even when I may be feeling low or having a hard grief day.

Staying at your great-grandfather’s nursing home for an evening was particularly challenging for me, as I couldn’t help but feel resentful that you get to meet him, and yet will never meet your Momar. Being surrounded by a community of people in their 70s, 80s and 90s made me ache with yearning and disappointment and anger. How is it possible that I’ll never know your grandmother as an old woman? How unfair and cruel it all feels.

But you have a way of pulling me from my darkest thoughts and shining light when I need it most. Our country needs so much of that right now. It is a scary time, both personally and nationally, and I’ve felt such anxiety about the state of the world in which I’ve welcomed you. But everyday, you and your sisters are a bit of hope and light and goodness that my life, this world, so desperately require. Thank you for continuing to be my anchor in the storm.

Happy Four Months, my Sanderling.

143 Mama

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Sanderling // Three Months

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My beguiling Three Month Old,

You are our ray of sunshine. Our cheeks hurt from smiling back so unabashedly at your constant stream of open-mouthed, rapturous grins. You are on the brink of the giggles and that is only going to amplify the joy and happiness you so readily bestow upon our household. Your bath time routine of stomps and splashes and coos with Daddy and PINK HIPPO! are arguably the zenith of your joy each day. In the face of our grief, you are our balance. Our light. Our anchor. And you radiate that light outward to those we greet in public – the baristas, pharmacists, colleagues, friends, teachers, yogis, darling elderly gentlemen, are all so smitten with your sweet smiles of connection and contentment.

This precious ensemble arrived from a beautiful French knitwear company, Miou Kids, and I can hardly stand how adorably that bonnet magnifies that round, squishy face of yours. Those bally cheeks (just like your Momar’s)! That dimple! It makes your smiles all the more irresistible. If it isn’t already glaringly obvious, I am positively taken with you, my darling. There isn’t a moment that goes by that I don’t feel humbled with gratitude and love for your presence in our lives. Borneo is reputed to be the world’s most populated island, but can the Red Borneo kratom which it produces also prove to be world-beating? In this article, we will delve into Red Borneo kratom and discover how it stacks up in the best kratom for sleep. Should you try it, and is it any good? Long before anyone knew about Kratom, people were using it in the South East Asia regime for many centuries. By the time its popularity started spreading to the Western market, the locals were well ahead of everybody in the growing, harvesting, and processing techniques of the plant. Even now, no kratom can equal the quality of that obtained from these Asian resorts. One big reason is the unique tropical climate and soil quality that ensures exceptional kratom quality. The Kratom that is grown displays 3 main types or strains. These are the green, red, and white vein kratom strains. You can tell this by looking at the color of the stems or the veins of the leaves. Each different color brings you a different effect and experience due to a unique mix and concentration level of compounds. But the distinction of kratom strains goes beyond color and includes the location from where it is obtained. Even though they all come from the South Eastern Asian tropical region, the exact location where the Kratom grows gives birth to the distinct strains that we use.

Your easy-going nature continues, as you have (for now) mastered sleeping through the night. You go to sleep with ease at bed time. In fact, I often lay you down still awake, and you merrily suck your thumb (we hear great slurping down the hall) until you drift off to sleep. We then don’t hear from you again until the following morning. If a wet diaper or a hungry belly awakes you before 6am, a quick change and/or nurse session is enough to welcome another 2-3 hour stretch of sleep. I cannot fully articulate what a gift this has been, for all of us. To be rested. To not have to stress about long bedtime routines, or prolonged middle-of-the-night feedings, or restless, sleep-deprived children and parents is particularly welcome during a time when life feels so hard and confusing. Thank you for that gift.

While I know that your daddy and I are far more relaxed and comfortable now that this is our third crack at parenting a newborn, it’s also a testament to your adaptable, laid back personality. It makes carting you around to all of your sisters’ extracurriculars, school performances, appointments, rehearsals, shows, etc. a breeze – not to mention the slew of activities and errands you find yourself running alongside your mom and dad daily. Securely discovering your thumb this month has certainly helped you manage self-care when needed. You’ve recently shown a tendency to blow out your diaper mid-errand, so we’ve gotten very skilled at stripping you of poop-soaked clothing in the mini-van. But if that’s the most challenging hurdle I have to face with you these days, I’ll take it. Baby poo stained car seats and all.

We’ve survived the fourth trimester, my friend. Two bouts of mastitis (the engorgement from your epic sleep stretches is to blame for last week’s infection, but again, tough to complain given the reason), a slew of challenging milestones in the wake of your Momar’s passing and your mama’s adjustment to life postpartum unmothered – but we did it. And I can’t imagine having weathered these three months without you curled up against my chest, a puddle of drool beneath your chin, and sweet sighs emitting from those lips that suck on air as you dream. You are an ever-constant reminder to remain in the present. To soak in the current moment. And revel in the love and comfort and gratitude it brings.

How I wish your Momar could see how much I am positively delighting in you. But I like to think of her as your guardian angel, and I trust that she knows, even if it’s just in the security of my own heart.

143 Mama

Shop Sanderling’s gorgeous hand knit outfit from Miou KidsCotton Overalls in Teal; Cotton Moss Bonnet in Sea Foam ; Crochet Booties in Sea Foam

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