Sanderling // Four Weeks

by Ashley Weeks Cart


Today, Sanderling is four weeks old. And I could write a tome about the onslaught of time, and how quickly his newborn stage has flown, but instead I’m going to curl right back up on the couch with my baby pressed against my chest, inhaling all that infant sweetness, and living in the moment with him, because that is the best way for me to enjoy and remember.

I have really and truly found myself settling in to moments and finding peace in the way time moves with a newborn. We accomplish so little by every day standards, and yet our days are full of so much. So much love, and bonding, and connection, and learning. And I am grateful for every second in the face of my grief. I’ve spent less time recording it, and more time being present for it.

One day I’ll write his birth story. Or share our pictures from Easter. Or write more about my mother and my grief and our life in The After. But maybe I won’t. And that’s okay, too. I’m willing gentleness on myself, as it is what I need most of all.

In these photos, Sander is wearing a French outfit from my babyhood. I wish my mother could have seen this little “mouton” in what she chose for her own babies 30 years ago. I wish for so many things, but am finding comfort in what I do have in the face of all those unfulfilled wishes.