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I’ll never forget the moment it dawned on me that cajoling our children into kissing their grandparents, or hugging a friend, or being tickled against their wishes was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad way of teaching children about respect for their bodies and personal space. My friend Meg put language to this reality early into my days parenting Addison, and it has stuck with me ever since. While I ensure that my children are polite to their grandparents, elders, peers, etc., James and I never force them to hug or kiss, or be hugged or kissed, against their wishes. If they don’t want to hug or kiss, they can offer a polite “hello” and a handshake instead. That maintains our respect for their wishes to not be affectionately embraced, while still teaching them about politeness and courtesy to others.

To all adults, I STRONGLY urge you to read this piece. We are all complicit in reinforcing these problematic cultural norms that lead to much more serious consequences when our children grow up.

We’re talking to kids about sex all day, every day, without ever saying the word. We do it when grandmothers insist on a kiss and parents make children comply. We do it when we tell girls to “be nice” and “good” when they don’t want to. We do it when we tell boys to take what they want from life. We do it when we tell them that God wants them to be “strong.” We do it when we watch football games with kids on TV and spend half the game talking about players’ girl friends in the stands like they’re trophies. We do it when school administrators police clothing and use girl’s bodies as props to demonstrate violations of dress codes and reinforce heterosexual norms. We do it when we don’t allow children to pick their own clothes and chose their own hairstyles. We do it when we think it’s funny to let kids “tease” each other, even though the person being teased isn’t interested. We do it when an uncle grabs a nephew and tickles him, even though he hates it and tries to get away. Never. Ever. Saying. “SEX!”

Full post here.