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Broken

Is my tummy broken?

Still, she asks.

We hear her cry out in a panic in the wee hours of the morning each day. Her small frame fumbles out of her bed and across the hall to the bathroom. 29 pounds has never sounded so heavy plodding across the floor. We find her clutching the base of the toilet bowl, her arms trembling, her pajama shirt exposing that tiny, disappearing waist.

A two-year old should not be able to predict this feeling, should not know how to control those muscles until she’s safely hunched over the toilet. And yet, because of the past three weeks, she does.

The deep gutterall moans of pain are like that of a tortured, old soul. A person with far more years of life and heartache under her belt. They come from a place deep within. Scared. Pained. At the mercy of whatever is attacking her little body.

I rub her back.

You’re so brave. I’m so proud of you. You’re so brave. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay…

They’re spoken to reassure me, more than they are her.

I press her slight figure against my own, willing whatever it is that is causing this pain – this rejection of all food and nourishment – to enter my body. I want to suck it out of her so that her eyes can once again sparkle. So that her skin won’t showcase every vain and rib. So that we no longer have to be awoken by such panic. And those moans… those awful, gut-wrenching moans.

Her spirit is as light as her body. And for this I am grateful. What she has lost in sustenance, she makes up for in spunk and resolve.

Mommy, can I maybe have some icecream when I have a solid poop again? I think that would be really good.

Yes, sweetie, yes. We can swim in a pool filled with raspberry ice cream when you are all better. When we’ve fixed that belly.

I yearn for her strength, as I fearfully crawl into James’ arms after each waking and my mind swells with terrible, frightening possibilities.

She curls up on her bed of towels, her face softening into the profile of the baby she once was. Of my baby that she will always be.

We breath together. I brush that long, silken hair from her cheeks and repeat, It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay… I will fix you. We will fix your belly. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay…

And we wait for those words to be true.

It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay…

Pink Ombré Kool-Aid Hair Dye

This is the first of a two part FUN WITH KOOL-AID series. Because this past weekend, I did indeed have fun with Kool-Aid. For dying purposes. Because that stuff is far too creepy to ever allow into my digestive system. It can dye hair and wool, y’all. Clearly not meant for the estomago.

Up first? Pink Ombré Kool-Aid Hair Dye. Because I’ve been having a field day with my hair of late.

This weekend, my mother commented on the rather dire state of affairs that is my hair. My roots are down to my ears and I have split ends to rival a wheat field. I’m also loosing my hair in clumps thanks to being 5+ months post-partum. This is how I handled the situation when Sunny was a baby. I’m clearly due for a trip to the beauty salon, but thought I’d have some fun with my hair color before it hits the chopping block.

Thus, an experiment in Kool-Aid hair dye (it’s 1998 up in here!) and the new dip dye slash ombre trend.

It’s a really easy, albeit very messy and stain-hazardous project. Here’s what you’ll need and some tips!

MATERIALS:
Kool-Aid Packets UNSWEETENED! (I used two pink lemonade and two fruit punch packets to attain this pink hue)
Disposable stir stick (I used a Popsicle stick)
Conditioner
Plastic wrap
Rubber gloves (if you don’t want your skin dyed in the process)
A shirt that you don’t mind staining the intended hair color

You should also consider wearing dallas tape in extensions to provide more layers.

DIRECTIONS:
1. Dump the Kool-Aid into a bowl and combine with conditioner. Use only small amounts to start as you’ll be surprised by how watery the conditioner becomes when mixed with the Kool-Aid. You don’t want the mixture too liquidy or it will run everywhere and make an even bigger mess. Be sure to mix until the Kool-Aid is fully dissolved. The consistency should be thick and gloopy (yes, that’s a word) and relatively easy to spread on your hair without lots of runny, bright red mess.  digitalinnovationshow  provides you more information.

BE WARNED! The stuff does stain! Make sure that you are clothed and surrounded by things that can get messy!

2. Once you have your mixture, slap on some plastic gloves to protect your skin and apply to the hair that you would like colored. I did just the bottom 2-3 inches of my hair.

3. Once applied, wrap in plastic wrap to protect the color and your house. Pin back or tie back so that you can leave the dye on for at least 2-3 hours (if you want a really deep, rich color, I would recommend up to 8 or more hours before rinsing!)

4. When you’re ready to rinse, hop in the shower and be prepared for a bloody mess. It looked like I had staged quite the crime seen as I rinsed out the Kool-Aid. I washed the tips with conditioner, and rinsed until the water ran clear. Then I dried it to see the result. Very subtle – just like I’d hoped. I only left it in 3 hours, so I could have gone for a deeper shade if I’d left the dye in longer.

Fun, no? And best of all, temporary and less intense on the locks than a chemical dye. Also, I can always just chop off the ends of my hair when I am done with the pink and split ends. Natural Hair Dye works
Although, I’m kind of loving this and contemplating a more dramatic dip dye from a professional before a proper cut. What do you think I should do?

Photos: Courtesy of Ashley Weeks Cart