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How convenient that yesterday Bitch Media’s blog launched the first of a series of posts related to childbirth and the movies in conjunction with my little rant about Hollywood and L&D. (Thanks to my friends at BARCC for cluing me in!)

I adored this post as it hit on something so crucial when it comes to mainstream perception of childbirth and its perpetuation (creation?) in pop culture. This notion of time. Of urgency and emergency.

I strongly recommend that you take a read (along with the comments). I don’t think that we hear or consider the ramifications of this startling statistic nearly enough: In 2011, the U.S. ranked 50^th worldwide in maternal mortality rates, tying with Saudi Arabia and dropping rank from 44^th in 2010.

That. Is. Horrifying.

Of course the post had me reflecting on my own birth experiences and considering the ways in which I was influenced by this perceived sense of urgency and emergency when it came to both girls’ deliveries. And since I’m not nearly as astute in my cultural analyses as the writer’s over at Bitch, I hope that I can contribute to this dialogue through story-telling. That seems to be my contribution to the crisis I feel that we are facing as a nation when it comes to maternity, specifically childbirth. I am more than comfortable sharing in the hopes that it will encourage women to think carefully and fully about their own maternal care. I fully recognize that my experiences are my own and thus not relevant or universal to all women, but I do hope that they prompt women to take ownership of their own maternal experiences.

So right, time.

As has been the ongoing narrative since Courtland’s arrival, my experience of time in relation to labor was 180 degrees different for both girls. While they were both born in hospital settings, I largely attribute my varied experience to the medical support (OB vs. Midwife) I had for my care. I’m not knocking OBs, but they have a different set of skills and training than a midwife. And I personally found my experiences with the midwives far more personalized and supportive of my voice and wishes than I ever did with my OB. And I truly loved my doctor. I did! But again, she had different pressures, demands and patients than my midwives and thus could offer a different level of care.

When I was interviewing my midwives and asked them for their “pitch.” Essentially, Why should I use a midwife over a doctor?, they replied, “We take care of healthy women. Having healthy babies. We aren’t distracted by other demands such as surgery or gynocology. Our focus is healthy women delivering healthy babies.” I more than realize how fortunate and privileged I was to fall under that category of care. And I am so grateful that we have skilled and brilliant doctors to attend to women who have complicated pregnancies, health situations, etc. But that response, well, it sold me. And proved to be more than true.

Again, so right, time. What does that have to do with time?

Well, with my OB, time seemed to be more of a pressing and urgent matter, (consistent with the mainstream, pop culture narrative). When my blood pressure started to rise, she immediately suggested that we induce, two weeks early. I went home, talked to my doula, did some research, and asked if, instead of induction, I could be put on bed rest (or home rest, really, as I was not solely confined to my bed), to relax, take it easy, keep the blood pressure under control, monitor it, etc. I was lucky that it never spiked out of control, but as we crept closer to my due date, my OB made it very clear that she wanted to induce me if the baby did not arrive on that day. Fortunately, I never had to push back on that preference as I went into labor with Addison the day before she was due. But it is very common practice to induce if a woman goes even a day or two beyond her due date, which is ludacris given how absolutely arbitrary due dates actually are. Inductions can be very dangerous for mom and baby. (Here’s a quick and easy article that breaks it down). Again, this is all assuming healthy mama and healthy baby. But I find it startling how common practice induction is, despite the obvious risks. It falls in step with this sense of urgency that’s been built around childbirth. As though there is a specific timeline that a woman and baby must adhere to, and that we must control if they deviate from. Assuming all is healthy, this should not be the case.

Once I went into labor with Addison, I know now that I went to the hospital FAR too early. I spent the majority of active labor within the walls of that building which ultimately probably slowed the process. The nurses, however, wanted to keep things moving. They continually suggested that I use pitocin. I had my water broken for me. And looking back, given that I delivered a 9lb+ posterior baby, I am grateful that I was able to deliver her so quickly, so that I was not pressured into a vacuum extraction or C-section had pushing proved lengthy.

Liability plays a role in why hospitals and doctors so heavily control and monitor the proceedings of childbirth, but it often flies in the face of how labor actually progresses, slowly and over a long period of time. Unfortunately, given how Hollywood presents childbirth coupled with some of the pressures doctors face and then impose on their patients, women have this perception that it is supposed to be speedy and quick. The labor part of labor gets left out.

I want to mention that I have had a number of doctors express surprise since Addison’s arrival when I’ve told them that she was a 9lb 1oz baby. One doctor blatantly said, “Why did your doctor let THAT happen?,” implying that my OB should have induced me long before Addison ever hit 9lbs because of the “dangers” of delivering a big baby. Look, I’m 6ft tall. I don’t think anyone should be surprised that I had a child that large. Nor should they be surprised that I was able to deliver that baby vaginally, without assistance. My OB, however, was never able to get an accurate measurement of Addison’s head in the late stages of my pregnancy, so she thought I was delivering a much smaller kid. She admitted in the hour after Addison’s arrival that had she known that Sunny was so big before she saw her head crowning, she would have been very nervous. Again, I am so very glad that I didn’t have to cross that bridge, but I do wonder what my experience would have been had she been aware of Sunny’s actual size.

Courtland. Totally different story. A large part of that was having experience on my side, knowing that I wanted to spend as little time in the hospital as humanly possible given what a challenge I had had getting through Addison’s labor under such conditions. It also helped that it was my second child, so labor was faster. And, of course, my midwives had a very different attitude than my OB had had. Induction never came up in conversation. I wasn’t “checked” during that final month so there were no false ideations of my progress. My midwives told me that they would start doing vaginal examines if I went past my due date, and that if I was 2 weeks past my due date, I’d have to be referred to an OB. That was the extent of any timeline that they discussed, and it was because I begged the question. My care in that final month was very laid back. Relaxed. Trusting of my body and baby to do what we were going to do, when we were ready to do it.

And then when I did arrive at the hospital, 45 minutes prior to Courtland’s delivery, the atmosphere was not that of urgency. It all felt eerily calm. The nurse and midwife were calm, the lights dim, and everything and everybody fell in step with the pace that my body was setting.

Ultimately, my message, as always, is that women should trust their bodies to do what is best. They’re built for this. Of course there are exceptions. But, in general, women’s bodies are primed to do this, so they should be what sets the timeline. What sets the pace. Not the medical industry, or, worse yet, Hollywood.