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Addison gets a Kimmy.

Let me explain.

When I was pregnant with Sunny, I did not have a strong preference either way for a daughter or a son. I was having a baby! My first baby! I just wanted him or her to be healthy (who doesn’t?) and the sexual bits that accompanied that baby did not weigh on my thoughts.

At the time, I had been babysitting for a sweet, adorable, baby boy for over a year, and was thoroughly smitten with the idea of having a son, while simultaneously feeling more confident about the prospect of having a daughter. In my family, the boys? They are rebels and the girls? Total goodie-two-shoes. Thus I was convinced that a son might be more of a challenge judging by my family’s history, but then again, James and my father were mellow, sweet boys growing up, so I totally had a chance at that. Oh hell, I just wanted 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 eyes, ears in the right place, etc.

This time around, it was different. Sunny and I are both first-born daughters. The Sesame Seed is due 26 months from Addison, exactly the same spacing that I share with my baby sister, a woman without whom I would not know how to exist in the world. She is so much more than a sibling, companion, and best friend. She is my other half. My reason. My balance.

I couldn’t help but want to give that amazing gift to Addison.

James, by virtue of growing up in a family of 4 boys, had let go of any baggage of trying to replicate his family dynamic from the moment we saw Sunny’s “popo” (yes, our fluffy household word for “vagina”) on the ultrasound screen two years ago. He didn’t fully understand this fixation I had with wanting the Sesame Seed to be a little sister.

Believe me, I know of plenty of sisters who are not close. Who fought. And squabbled. And caused all sorts of drama in their households.

Regardless, I wanted Sunny to have a Kimmy.

Don’t get me wrong, I would have gotten over that hang-up and been more than thrilled to welcome a baby boy Cart into the world. Given the joy and love I felt caring for Cash, the baby boy in California, I knew I was more than capable and would relish the opportunity to mother a son.

But, my own relationship with my sister kept me selfishly hoping for a little girl.

And so today, we saw our Sesame Seed for the very first time. Her profile already shares the same button nose of her older sister.

The Sesame Seed is Addison’s Kimmy. And my heart has never felt so full.