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As I’ve mentioned, Sunny received a potty for Christmas and we’ve been incorporating this new addition to the household into her routine. It’s seated prominently next to the adult potty that James and I most frequent among our excessive three bathrooms. As you have zero privacy when living with a toddler, we’ve tried to encourage her to sit on her potty when she barges into the bathroom while James or I are occupying the adult toilet.

James has even taken to peeing sitting down to make the experience less jarring for Addison. More relatable. Now if that ain’t love…

At first she would have nothing to do with it. Then she was interested enough to force her stuffed animals to potty. She built up the courage to sit on it with diaper still covering her bottom, and then last week, while James was away, I got her to actually sit on it, stark naked, for more than a 5 second period of time without screams of terror and protest.

You should have seen the display of jubilation I exhibited. All over a bare baby bum on a plastic toilet.

Parenthood is so very humbling.

That same day, when we headed into the bathroom for her nightly bath, Sunny sprinted ahead of me nude, which is common practice. She is allowed to run, or gallop (as that is a new favorite mode of transporting her person from point A. to B.), from her bedroom to our bathroom sans culottes. The vision of those bare buns galloping through our household coupled with squeals of utter delight is sure to ruin her life at some meal with her future crush when I regale the table with stories of these positively adorable, ridiculous, childhood behaviors.

The downside to this unrestrained nudity is always the risk of accident. When she reached the bathroom, she turned and cried, PEE PEE PEE! as she relieved herself all over the bath mat. I tried to not shriek in horror, and instead calmly encourage her to sit on the potty like an ever-so-nurturing mother (even though the flood of urine had already been thoroughly expelled, much to Hanna’s delight and my disgust). She did sit, but no further pee came.

Bath time continued on, and as she sat splashing in the tub I began to see bubbles rising to the surface of the water. I asked her if she was tooting and if she needed to poop. She did her matter-of-fact, “No,” and went back to playing. I saw the bubbles rise again, and yet again encouraged her to sit on the potty. She refused.

Fast forward five minutes: She suddenly flipped to her belly and struck downward facing dog with her butt straight in the air. And there’s a turtle head poking out (said in the most crass and disgusting Fast Bastard voice).

Of course there was.

As the first terd fell from her elevated bum and splashed into the bath, I yanked her from the tub and threw her soaking wet, mid-bowel movement body on the potty. I thought she’d instantly tense up and be unable to finish, but with much cheering and clapping, she managed to complete her first proper #2 in the toilet.

I then realized that I had to dispose of the terds in the potty and the one floating menacingly in the tub.

And of course James was out of town. Of course he was.

And I had to dispose of them while staying positive and excited about that dripping wet baby’s accomplishment.

YAY POOPIE! YAY POTTY! Flush the poopie. Wipe the bummie! YAY!!!! *clap clap clap*

Need I say again that parenthood is so very humbling.

I wish I could report a repeat instance of potty use, but alas, this is the only tale I have to tell. But it’s a pretty good one. If by good, I mean gross and parental.

But we sure have watched the shit outta this Elmo potty training video. God I’m clever.