::We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog::
by Ashley Weeks Cart
I’m working on my Diva Cup post, which, as my dear Twitter friends know, was less than a success.
EPIC. BLOODY. FAIL!
But we must leave that for another day. Right now I would like to relate a story that is yet another example of one of the many joys of parenthood, and that, my friends, is the constant saturation in your beloved baby’s bodily fluids.
I know, that’s all I talk about here.
If you have an ish, go find yourself another blog.
Or just relish in my lack of dignity and general state of smelliness.
So, this evening. I did my usual prep of the little one for bathtime. This generally involves me stripping her down naked and carrying her around with an animal head towel on her body like a little, caped, sheepie crusader. ASS NAKED. Literally.
Some may say I’ve been playing with fire on this one. Urine fire. And yes, yes I have. But there is something about the joy that she experiences when that diaper comes off her bare baby bum that I just can’t NOT let her be naked-baby-bummie-pants for that two minute walk from bedroom to bathroom.
I take it real slow – that whole ten feet.
Anyway, point being, she experiences such glee when naked.
So much so that she truly takes after her own mother’s heart. In time I shall fill you in on some of my own epic streaking fests which include a seminary in New York City and Lombard Street in San Francisco. Yes, that would be the really windy famous one. Had it not been for 9/11, I would have totally gone for the Golden Gate Bridge. Those military tankers on either end of the bridge were a wee bit of a deterrent.
Oh yeah, and seminary being a house of God.
IF HE EXISTS HE’D LOVE ME AS I AM…
Stories for another time.
SO! She’s gleeful when naked, and kicks and pumps her legs while giggling in nudie delight. I was getting such a kick out of it this evening that in a fit of motherly love, I snuggled her up close to my chest – pressing mommy body against baby body in tender naked embrace – when I felt a warm wet trickling down my person thanks to the little one relieving her bladder. All over mommy.
Naked baby: 1, Stupid mommy: 0.
Actually, those numbers should be like 1,284 to 0.
While James executed bathtime, I threw my urine soaked clothes in the washer, and began this blog post, because, OBVIOUSLY! This shit writes itself.
After bath, James and I wanted to capture the joyful fist pumps – for this very post – and my god, Addison, you are a comedic genius.
May I reiterate, this shit literally writes itself.
Warning: There is lots of naked baby vagina. And we all know how traumatizing that can be. There is also lots of me and James awkwardly waiting for Addison to do something and her just hanging around naked.
Also, me in a night gown. Sans culottes. Because I am my fucking mother.
Oh, and James getting peed on.
Sunny, your sense of comedic timing is magnificent. Thank you, pee pee machine, thank YOU.
::Now back to your regularly scheduled blog::