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James is clearing out his old laptop thanks to the new computing monstrosity in our home, and he stumbled upon something that he wrote right after I told him I was pregnant. And so today, for the first time, he shared it with me (and permitted me to share it with The Internet). And it reminded me, yet again, of why I promised to spend the rest of my life sharing a bed with his bacon sweat and tolerating his love of hunting. Of why he puts up with my feminist rants and all my crazies. And of why our daughter is the luckiest little girl on planet Earth.

A boy? A girl? Oh, what does it matter, Ashley is pregnant! I’m so excited, scared, anxious, nervous, ecstatic, thrilled, proud, happy, overwhelmed and freakin’ pumped! I don’t even know where to begin!! I’m a whirlwind of emotions all of which comes down on the Happy side of a fence somewhere.

If it were a girl (heaven help that girl with her uncles) I would tend to her and wish her delicate tendencies, but no fear of the forceful things in this world. She would be able to change a tire, check the oil of a car, dance ballet, sail, hunt, pick out fine stationary, have pretty hand-writing, and smell nice on weekends. She would be my shining star – the one piece of this world that would directly challenge her mother for my love in this world.

If it were a boy, he would be able to bake, sew, field dress a deer, fish, speak and act politely, appreciate the arts while not letting them make him soft. He would be amazing, like his mother – full of respect and compromising – but able to stand up for what he believes in. He would be a strong athlete, but also a delicate ballet dancer.

I don’t know. This is amazing. I have all these hopes and realize that they will not come true with 100% foresight for either one or the other, but do know that some of them come true for whatever this child is.

I already love her/him. I’m already scared to death, and I’m already excited beyond my wildest to see how s/he develops.

And *they* say that the way to a woman’s heart is through chocolate… I think *they* need to read this.