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As most of you know, I am in my final year as a candidate for a Master’s degree in Public Art. Practical, I know. When I began this program, I was single, without a child. Now I am married, with a baby. SWEET LORD! Could I have chosen more intense, life-altering experiences to have in a shared 12 month period? I think not.

Anyway, I literally had no idea how much motherhood would shape my academic path, and while I shouldn’t be surprised given that having a baby has overhauled every other aspect of my life, my entire academic outlook has shifted since Addison entered the world. For instance, my thesis is now about feminist art and the maternal. Yeah, I didn’t see that one coming either. Title: (M)ther Work: Maternal Labor in Art and the Public Domain. I’m sure you’re all riveted! Please, contain yourselves!

What matters is, that I am. Riveted that is. Truly and seriously, maternal work and the ways in which women negotiate and make sense of motherhood are topics now personally, and academically, crucial to me. And with that being said, last week I wrapped up my fall semester with a number of lengthy academic papers, one of which chronicled and analyzed my past six months of engagement with Twitter and blogging as a mother. Yes, I wrote a 30 page Sociology paper about what mass media refers to as “Mommy Blogging.” It is ripe with material and a complex and truly fascinating phenomenon.

I began this study because of my highly ambivalent feelings about using Twitter and blogging to share one’s personal life, particularly as a mother. Doesn’t it feel a little icky to share with the anonymous, virtual public the most personal and intimate details of your life, and your family’s life? But isn’t it equally as liberating and freeing to engage a space that is entirely your own (a rarity as a mother) and process, share, validate, and VALUE one’s work (because motherhood is work, in the truest sense of the word) in these virtual communities?  Why are women compelled to mommy blog and mommy tweet? Why are there millions, and I mean MILLIONS, of women engaging their maternal experience in this capacity? And, most importantly, why, OH WHY, do they have millions upon millions of readers and followers who are interested in and compelled by the everyday, lived maternal experience? It’s not just mothers reading mothers, this is universal- as in Joe Shmoe the bachelor could be reading your blog. This shit is FASCINATING!

The benefits of these virtual communities are obvious. The ability for women to connect and share across geography, time zone, and corporeality. The expanded social network of millions to offer guidance, support, knowledge, experience, etc. Like when I tweeted in the wee hours of the morning about breastfeeding and antivirals– and was flooded with information and empathy from women across the globe. Powerful stuff, especially for someone with such a small following (by comparison to many). I am most compelled by mothers’ opportunity to make public and visible an experience and labor that has historically and traditionally been relegated to the private, domestic sphere. As someone who is, clearly, intrigued by publics, this capacity to share in the public domain something so often hidden in the private sphere is what initially drew me to these technologies and spaces. I have been blown away by the mass demonstrations of support, encouragement, and love that mothers, and their many followers/readers, have shown for one another during tragic, challenging life struggles. In just six months, I’ve witnessed maternal camaraderie and a rallying of resources made possible en masse by the advent of Twitter and blogging. Those alleged “Mommy Wars” that are so overblown and hyperbolized in the media? I think they’re just that. Exaggerations and pop culture fodder that don’t consider the astounding ways in which the majority of mothers support and encourage one another.

And perhaps most encouraging is that many women support their families financially or contribute an income to their household through their writing about motherhood, child rearing, pregnancy, etc. Formally unpaid work and experience has been given a monetary value because of the public’s interest in this material. While certainly not universal, it is profound to note this possibility for the Stay-At-Home-Mother, or ANY mother, to be valued not only socially but fiscally for her contributions. Because where would society be without mothers? No where. That’s where. Literally, look around you, EVERY SINGLE STINKING PERSON ON THIS PLANET IS HERE, why? Because of a mother. Because of a woman. That shit is EPIC, and thus it blows my mind that motherhood has been so marginalized, silenced, and sequestered to the private sphere. Twitter and blogging offer fairly accessible means to undo some of those historical traditions.

Of course, there is a flipside to these positives. And this is where my ambivalence originates. Have you noticed that the mothers with some of the greatest numbers of readers have garnered this following due to some horrific tragedy, or illness, or extreme life challenge? It’s not that I don’t think that this mass support and attention is not well-deserved. It is, and as I mentioned, the astronomical demonstrations of support is one of social networking’s greatest strengths. However, much like our society’s fascination with the tabloids and celebrity gossip, what we are most drawn to, sadly, is the suffering of others and drama, drama, DRAMA! I shouldn’t be surprised that this is consistent in the blogosphere and Twitterverse. I just hope that people seek the support and help of people in “Real Life” for there is no measure to the value of a physical hug or tangible shoulder to cry on. While Twitter and blogging may serve a social function, it should by no means be one’s sole source of connection and friendship. Some people interact on Twitter literally ALL DAMN DAY and I can’t help but wonder, isn’t there something else you could be doing? I’m not one to dictate a person’s lifestyle, but it does disarm me to see the extent to which some of these networks are used by people on a daily basis.

And with that being said, the alleged “Mommy Wars” tend to bubble up and surface in these anonymous, virtual spaces of the Internet where people are not held accountable for confronting others face-to-face in the physical, tangible world. The hateful. hurtful things that women say to other women is nothing short of appalling. There are blogs, Twitter accounts etc. devoted to bashing, hating, bullying, and verbally abusing the choices of other mothers. I won’t add fuel to the fire by linking to those sites/people because they don’t deserve to have their bullying behavior validated, but it is truly horrifying when women, rather than supporting one another as is possible (and demonstrated) in the these virtual communities, choose to bring each other down and perpetuate this stereotype of the “Mommy Wars.” I am certainly not against debate, discussion, thoughtful, productive conversation, nor am I averse to mothers, or the general public, having conflicting opinions. However, I have seen many an instance of unproductive, mean-spirited spats and “wars” break out between mothers, or between mothers and the general public. Much like my opinion when it comes to gay marriage or abortion rights, folks just need to let people make the decisions that are best for themselves and their families. No one can know someone else’s circumstance, so people need to just BACK UP OFF! To restrict someone else’s choice or to belittle their lifestyle when it isn’t personally affecting or damaging your own life or your family, well, it just seems ludicrous. And really damaging. As parents, we don’t have to agree, but we should be respectful of other people’s choices, no?

And there is of course the cliquey, who’s cool and who’s uncool, that happens in the blogosphere and Twitterverse and it’s like reliving junior high school ALL OVER AGAIN, except as grown ass adults with children. Honestly, the idea that blogging and Twitter are somehow egalitarian, universal modes of access is some B.S. The privilege and hierarchies that form in these spaces are prominent, obvious, and bring out raging insecurities in the best of us. Who follows whom and is followed back. Who’s listed. Who gets the most comments. Who responds to whom. Who’s in the inner sanctum of certain friend groups that develop in the virtual world. SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! The insecurities and cliquiness are rampant, and make me disappointed that women are capable of making other women feel so excluded, marginalized, beneath them; when that is a universal condition that has been prescribed to all women throughout history. We shouldn’t perpetuate it, we should rise above it and recognize the ways that mothers are united by the profound role of nurturing and caring for the life of others. While we may differ in our parenting choices, and while I encourage debate and discussion surrounding these issues, we should be wise enough to treat each other as we would want the world to treat our children. With respect and decency.

Every mother will tell you that her life was completely altered by the presence of her child in the world. At times it’s difficult to pinpoint that change, that new worldview. It’s different for every woman, but there is a shared sense of awe, care, and earth-shattering love that connects us. The reality that every single person on this earth was brought into the world by the fearless, courageous act of a woman, and that each and every person in the world was once a precious, innocent baby overwhelms me. Constantly. I think of what Addison has done for my life and I am humbled and inspired. I can’t help but see each person as the child they once were, as that baby that welcomed such joy and love into the world for another. And to reflect on the brilliant women who made those lives possible.

It’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry, you will someday.*

Just imagine the possibility if everyone saw the world through the eyes of a mother to her child.

Whew, well, that’s out there.

*Quote from American Beauty