Blog a la Cart

In my first week back to school, I have tallied the following:

Number of times my milk has flooded my bra during class: 4

Number of times I have texted the babysitter out of anxiety: 27

Number of times I have wept because of leaving the Bug: 6

Number of times I have dabbled as a flasher (i.e. publicly pumped breast milk): 2

Number of times “mommy brain” has afflicted my ability to speak coherently: 76

Number of times I have inappropriately referenced my boobs, baby poop, and vaginas: 1,238

Number of times I have felt like I no longer belong and wanted to peace the fuck out: 8,000,001

Conclusion?

Returning to school after three months of domesticity and mommyhood: Awkward.

Let’s hope it gets easier.